…for seemingly dropping off the face of the earth…it’s been a tough week!
After getting the abuse I mentioned the other day, it seemed to open a floodgate and wherever I went I found myself the brunt of people’s mirth! I had a couple of guys in a car parked near mine when I was at the supermarket laughing and pointing at me, another couple who’d driven past me slow down so all of the occupants of the car could get a good look and, to top it off, I was at the hospital the other day and a lady who was walking past my car was staring and nudging her partner to have a look at me – the irony of it was that she was overweight herself and her partner was a very big chap! Perhaps they were just admiring my windswept hair (replace windswept with ‘left the house, forgetting to brush my hair’!). As previously mentioned, I’m not one to let these things pass, and I asked the lady if there was something I could help her with…she soon scuttled off – I wasn’t quite as polite with the guys in cars though…I’ll leave it to your imagination!
Anyway, the reason for the hospital visit is that my Doctor has wanted me to go forward for stomach surgery for quite some time. I was adamant that I didn’t want this, but part of the pre-op process is a number of consultations with a psychologist, and, given that getting to the bottom of why I eat like I do (you don’t get to my size without there being some underlying reason), is very important, I thought this aspect would be useful. Four years later and I’ve just been approved for a Gastric Sleeve – I’m yet to have the funding approved though and, to be honest, I’m still not sure I want to go ahead with it. Part of the reason that I’ve been approved is that I’ve been losing weight consistently over the past few months – ironic really that you need the surgery because you can’t lose weight, yet part of the process is proving you can lose weight!! This op would not solve my problems – people can still eat lots having had surgery and put all of their weight back on again – you have to have willpower and determination, be able to follow a healthy eating plan and exercise. It’s by no means a quick fix and I get very frustrated when people say it’s the easy option…who in their right minds would opt for potentially life-threatening surgery if there was another option! The psychologist and I have agreed that I can postpone and push myself down the list if SW keeps going well – so I’m committing to SW and not the surgery for the moment.
The other bit of news I have is that, following a blood test a few weeks ago, it has been confirmed that I have diabetes – with very high blood sugar readings. I’ve been told to eat no carbs – so no bread, rice, pasta, cereals, fruit – limited vegetables and salad, and to eat a high protein diet. These instructions were given to me by a hospital dietician and an endocrinologist – yet when looking at the Diabetes UK website, they say to enjoy fruit and to eat carbs with every meal!!! So I’m very confused – have been sticking to the Original Plan on SW and having omelettes or scrambled eggs for breakfast, soup or salad at lunch and then chicken salad in the evening. Going back to the hospital on the 10th August, so will hopefully get some useful info then so that I can broaden my diet. I’ve been given tablets that have really played havoc with me, and I’m apparently being given the tools to inject daily when I go back to see them. I have to test my bloods twice a day and the results have been all over the place – I guess it’ll take a while for things to settle down.
The positive thing is that the tablets seem to be minimising my hunger, and my cravings for crisps and burgers seemed to have calmed right down. Not sure if this is a placebo effect…I can’t have it now so I’m not bothering, or whether it’s down to the tablets. One thing is for sure though, if I don’t lose weight at my WI on Tuesday morning, then I don’t know what I’m going to have to do to lose this weight!
It’s not all been doom and gloom – we had a lovely family BBQ yesterday and my niece had great fun playing in the paddling pool with my other half…she nearly drowned him! And I’ve been able to relax in bed for a couple of days which is always nice.
I’ll sign off with a couple of thoughts…
I’ve heard that eating your meal in front of a mirror helps you to become more concious of your eating – apparently it helps you to slow down (rather than shovelling it in!) and then you give yourself time to register your food, feeling fuller a little earlier.
You shouldn’t become paranoid that people are staring at you…I was at McDonalds a few months ago with my other half, and we were sat in the car munching away (this makes me feel vulnerable anyway, as I don’t like eating in public really). I noticed a chap driving past who was really staring hard at the car – so I opened my window and shouted “have you got a problem, you pr!ck?” only for him to then start waving…at the car behind mine!!! Luckily he hadn’t heard what I’d shouted, and luckily my partner hadn’t got out of the car like he’d wanted to! I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me – but the ground wasn’t feeling that hungry – so I just had to sit there feeling like a plonker. Not everyone takes the p!ss out of fat people, and it was very much a lesson learnt!
However, there are also some plonkers out there, and often in the strangest of situations. I’d applied for a job a good few years ago – I was overweight, but I am bloody good at my job – lots of experience and the best qualifications you can get in my field. I’d gone through three interviews and a presentation, and the final stage was meeting the client that I would be managing. This lady took a real dislike to my size and, as she was the client, the company that I was interviewing with couldn’t offer me the job. They were really embarrassed and apologetic about it, but there is no law against fattism and discrimination based on someone’s size. The irony of it was that the clients was Coors Brewery and their customer demographic tends to be beer-bellied, overweight men!!!
P.S To read my 30st plus weight loss journey from the beginning please click here!