Something my other half was talking abut earlier made me chuckle. He had the McDonalds app on his phone and complained that you could only add a few items to the ‘your meal’ section in order to work out the calories. He was wanting to work out the calories in the stuff he would normally eat – a couple of large Quarterpounder meals with drinks – and couldn’t as basically the app was signalling, in a roundabout way, that he was a greedy git!
I don’t know why it tickled me really. My other half is fairly trim and tall and can seemingly get away with eating what he wants – three Yorkie bars for lunch, and I think breakfast was a bag of crisps and a cheese sandwich – so he doesn’t often worry about what he eats. He has begun to take more of an interest in his food though, but has periods as we all do when he will eat really well and then just blow it. I find this quite interesting as it showed me that not only big fatties like me have tendencies to play food games.
McDonalds used to make a hell of a lot of money out of me. Every weekend – on both days – it would be a double breakfast for each of us along with a double lunch too. When I used to go and see my horses straight from work in their old yard, I would have to drive past McDonalds to get home. The lure of comfort food after a tough day of working with Bosszilla and having trudged through muddy fields in winter meant that my mind just wasn’t strong enough to resist. I would go through the Drive-Thru, often chatting to a friend on the phone at the time, and would order two meals with two hot chocolate drinks, pretending to my friend that one of the meals was for my other half! Parking in the dark area of their car-park, I would stuff my face as quickly as I could and then drive home with the windows open to get rid of the smell, and would put the wrappers in my neighbours bin.
My guilty secret was not quite so secret though as the little sesame seeds from their buns would be scattered around the car, and an errant French fry would always get trapped down the side of the seat…only to be rumbled by my other half or the dog who would sniff it out! I sometimes wonder where this behaviour came from and realised that it is something I have done for a long, long time.
My first job involved sitting in a sales office with older women who would eat cakes and buy mid-morning breakfast batches. For them these breakfast batches may well have been breakfast, but I would have already had mine. I didn’t say no though – partly because I wanted to fit in, but mainly because I was a greedy git who couldn’t sit and smell bacon batches without joining in! Then of course there was the chocolate runs to the shop. I guess I was picking up habits from older women who had learnt to deal with their work stress with chocolate. Not that I was a saint…I probably weighed over 18st at that point in time…I was 16 years old.
Earning my own money gave me more of an opportunity and encouragement to spend it on food. I went to work whilst my friends went to sixth form and they were out with friends partying in cheesy nightclubs. Not thinking that I could compete – I hadn’t even gone to my leaving ball at school as I thought I was too fat – I would walk into town after work, go to Thorntons and buy a box of continental chocolates and toffee, and then head to Sainsbury’s for supplies too. My Mum worked nights and had no idea that this is what I did!
So when I sat and wondered why I binged on McDonalds in my mid-20s, it was obvious that my behaviour had just slowly gotten worse and out of hand. By then, I didn’t know how to tackle it and the doctors couldn’t offer much help either…apart from telling me to give up dieting and to eat what I wanted. Not really helpful advise when your mind is telling you that you want Chinese takeaways and copious amounts of junk food. Work pressures – well, bullying Bosszilla pressures – saw my eating get totally out of control. It was nothing for me to have at least four slices of toast for breakfast, at least two packets of crisps along with two bars of chocolate and two sandwiches whilst at work, two McDonalds meals on the way home, a takeaway and then crisps, chocolate, ice-cream etc of an evening.
I tried to make attempts at getting on the straight and narrow. One weekend I remember driving around the city going to various supermarkets trying to locate a particular brand of yogurt smoothies with oats in it, as I had decided that this was the way I wanted to lose weight. I had calculated a 1200kcal per day diet plan, using ready meals – but what I thought were healthy options – and had incorporated this yogurt smoothie into my plan. We had been to the two Asda stores, both Sainburys, three Tesco stores and the two Morrisons stores we have here…I then gave up! I started my diet and failed…and convinced myself that I had failed as I hadn’t found those yogurt drinks!
There were also some herbal laxative tablets that I tried…I would binge and then eat a handful of these tablets which were ‘natural’ so must have been okay, surely?! And you have all heard me discuss the Cabbage Soup diet – I am sure I nearly lost all of the support of my colleagues during that one! And then Slim Fast when I ‘Fell Fast’…and fainted on the elliptical machine at the gym. And then I tried to skip breakfast and lunch and just eat in the evenings. Of course there was also Slimming World…one of the only plans I have attempted more than once.
Slimming World has been a regular part of my life for nearly 17 years now. Each and every time I have had a level of success – with 8st being my biggest loss until this time. My problem was that I always felt hard done to, as if Slimming World was stopping me from eating everything I loved…as I didn’t just want a moderate amount of chocolate or crisps. And therein lay the problem; each time I gave Slimming World the elbow, my old habits would return. Out came the takeaway menus, McDonalds wrappers were mysteriously finding their way into my neighbours wheelie bin, and my fruit bowl would be empty, as were the salad and veggie drawers in the fridge! I shunned all of the great tips and advice and went right back to square one and past it…adding more and more weight each time I stopped my ‘diet’.
As soon as I stopped seeing Slimming World as a prison, I knew that I could follow this way of eating for life. There are of course going to be ups and downs, but even the healthiest of eaters have those. This way of eating is giving me my life back…far from being a prison, it is giving me a release from death row! I feel so much healthier, more in control of my eating than I ever have, and I actually enjoy cooking and preparing meals from scratch – watch out Jamie Oliver…Weight Loss Bitch is coming! 😉
I will finish up there, are I don’t want to harp on about Slimming World. I am just so pleased that things are moving along as they are, and so pleased that Slimming World have stuck with me as long as I have stuck with them!
Right then, let’s look at the usuals…
Goodness me – the nighttime sagas continue! I was woken up in the early hours by the crash of a plate downstairs…I shot up and then listened for further noise. I was convinced that my other half was sleeping next to me but didn’t check as I think he would be worse than I was if there had been someone downstairs! I could also hear the dog upstairs so knew that it wasn’t her. Just as I was starting to calm down, there was another noise…someone was moving around in my house. I was on full alert and had begun to think about what I could do – in fact I had planned on grabbing the only thing I could, the candlestick by my bed which is a massive heavy thing – when someone started coming up the stairs. Then, that person coughed…it was my fecking other half! I flipped at him as I was full of adrenaline, and told him that I had been about to brain him with a candlestick! He had gone for a ciggy at that time of night and had woken me from a deep sleep…what a plonker. By the time I had calmed down and my heartrate had returned to normal, I fell back to sleep but needless to say when I woke up this morning I wasn’t full of the joys. I got up and did some work on the project for my other half and during that time I also completed my treadmill sessions. We then headed to the stables, only to find all but the most long-winded access routes had been blocked off due to road resurfacing – no prior warnings of course! We got there and topped up the water, and the horses were chilled out, until my Welsh lad decided that it would be fun for the little Shetland to do some exercise. He kept herding him around the field and it was so funny to watch! My Welshie was just doing a moderately paced trot but the Shetland, with his tiny legs, was moving so quickly. I think my Welshie just thought that they had been far too relaxed and needed to exercise…maybe I should have joined them?! Our two big grey horses just stood in the middle watching the antics. It was then the obligatory trip to Asda and then back home. I had a nice long shower and a mini pamper session and my Mum popped in for a chat and got hassled by my dog who loves her to bits. I then mooched for a while before prepping dinner and will be having an early night as I have a hospital appointment tomorrow first thing before weigh in.
Breakfast: Apple and two Benefit bars (6 syns).
Another breakfast mini-tantrum happened this morning…there were NO bananas! My other half had forgotten to tell me he had eaten the last one, so I had to have a chopped apple. Apple isn’t my favourite and I kind of only like them when they are chopped up…so I wasn’t a happy breakfast girl! Lunch was lovely – I mixed my cheese and a chopped onion with some cracked black pepper into my eggs and scrambled these whilst frying off some mushroom, spinach and tomatoes. That lot was put on top of toast and was delicious. Dinner was straightforward enough – Cajun spices sprinkled on salmon and then some onion, pepper and courgette roasted in the Actifry…although my mouth was on fire after dinner as there was a bit too much seasoning!
Exercise: 3 x 10 minute treadmill sessions.
It was one of my rest days today, but I like to do a little something on one of them so decided on a few treadmill sessions.
Thank you for reading guys. I hope that all of us ‘losers’ have a great week…my weigh in is tomorrow and I am not sure what to expect really!
Weight Loss Bitch xxx