Today has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster if I’m being honest! First of all I will share this with you – look what I got today…
It’s not a great picture but it is supposed to show my Silver Body Magic award, my Slimmer of the Month sticker and my new fridge magnet! I lost another 2.5lbs this week, taking my total loss to 10st 4lbs…so I’m nearly a third of the way through my journey now – although I am aware that the hard works really starts when I get to target! So this was a really positive start to the morning. Plus, I’d worn a nice outfit today…instead of the smelly horsey clothes I normally wear, and got lots of nice compliments – I am still learning how to accept them without wanting to tell people not to be so silly!
Last week, my consultant sat and had a chat with me about the ‘Greatest Loser’ award which is coming to groups across the country next week I think. Given that I have lost over 10st and don’t – at the moment – have any rivals close to me, she wanted to warn me that I would be in line for this. She knows I get a little conscious at times if I have all eyes on me, even though I don’t have a problem speaking up, so wanted me to be forewarned! She is so wonderful and without her I really don’t know what I’d be doing today…I genuinely think I might not still be here and, if by some miracle that I was, I would more than likely be bigger than the 43st I was. I don’t know how she does it, but she gives each and every one of us so much help, and always has time if you need to talk to her. Anyway, when we discussed this award last week, she asked me to see if I could dig out some ‘before’ pics. Fair enough – I had some, although not at my biggest…probably after I’d lost the initial couple of stones. So this week, I set about putting together a little montage of pictures – to say they are shocking is an understatement and before you ask, no, I won’t be sharing them with you just yet! Off I went to group this morning, with my picture montage stuck in a folder under my arm.
However, we’d mixed up the dates of the award and thought she wanted these pics today for the Greatest Loser thing, but she asked if she could share them with the group regardless – and I agreed. So we got on with group – I spent some time chatting during the WI session with some lovely ladies and gents. We really do end up talking about all sorts of stuff and I now find that I am sometimes counting down the days to group – not only to find out if my hard work has paid off, but to catch up with people…it’s like a social date! A couple of ladies were struggling, so we had a chat about some ways they could get back on track, and a lovely older chap had put on 0.5lbs and was a bit gutted…but we talked about how the increase in his exercise could have made a difference. It is such a lovely group and I really value their support.
The group began, and the awards were handed out with lots of clapping and cheering. Then it was my turn and this is when it got all emotional! I was given my Silver award and we all had a chat about the benefits of exercise, and then my consultant started to talk about my pictures and how far I had come.
Just to reiterate, pre-Slimming World, I was literally at the point where I would go to bed at night scared that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. I had chest pains, general aches and pain, difficulties breathing, I would fall asleep when people were talking to me…I was barely surviving. Knowing how much I struggled to get up the stairs, I used to lie in bed worrying about having a heart attack and not being able to get out of the house, and not being able to fit into an ambulance, and worrying about whether or not my other half would hear it if I stopped breathing. I also remember calling my consultant to warn her that I was going to rejoin and that I didn’t think the scales would weigh me – they didn’t, I had to have a special set sent down from Slimming World HQ! I arranged to meet her early on the first night, and took my mum and my other half along for moral support. I struggled to get out of the car, I almost collapsed when I walked through the door, had to have a special chair, and had to sit down next to the scales as I couldn’t stand up for more than a few seconds without feeling like I was going to collapse…I would start to sweat, my heart would race, and my face would turn purple. I am not exaggerating – this is the genuine truth – and looking back on it, it scares the hell out of me!
Bearing in mind all of the above, when we began talking about my Silver Body Magic award and the fact that I can now walk for 15 minutes on the treadmill, I started to feel myself getting emotional. My consultant said she wouldn’t hand out the pictures if I didn’t want her to, but this was silly of me, as some of these people had seen me at that weight anyway! So I got all teary and emotional and was given a Forever Friends tissue by a lovely lady…and a hug from my consultant…whilst people looked at me – the old me. The pictures were truly shocking and could hear some gasps from around the room. They were mainly gasps of delight on my behalf, I am sure – and I could hear people saying they could see a difference, and I could feel their eyes on me! It was rather strange, as they were just pictures, but I took them with the aim of revealing them when I was closer to target and, although I didn’t think it was a big deal when I was asked, I think it affected me more than I thought!
At the end of the day though, these pics were of me – and I love me as a person, I just don’t like what I had let my body become! I shared them with the group in the hopes of spurring others on…if I can make progress and steps to turn my life around, then many others can too. At the end of the group I got lots of pats on the shoulder and people telling me I am inspirational, which was lovely, but also feels strange at the same time! I say this because I still have over 22st to get to my target of 11st…and it seems strange to me that this is inspirational. But I do understand that the very fact I am doing something about my weight is inspiring in itself – this isn’t a ‘poor-me’ plea for more pats on the shoulder!
However losing weight does have it’s downside! Such as a lady in group wanting me to convince her granddaughter to join – she asked me why I joined and seemed shocked when I told her it was because I didn’t want to die. She didn’t seem to want to listen when I said that no amount of pleading on my part would convince her granddaughter to join if she didn’t want to do it yet. She also wasn’t happy when I said she couldn’t take my pictures home with her…it might sound mean of me…but there was no ‘now’ picture and so nothing to put a 10st loss into context for her granddaughter. I did however offer to sit and speak with her granddaughter if she could bring her along to group next week! The really ‘urgh’ bit was when she started asking me if I still had periods, as her granddaughters had stopped…and then made assumptions about what health conditions I may have! I don’t mind some questions…but really?! When I told her I was on medication to stop me ovulating due to the cancerous cells and hyperplasia she jumped to all sorts of conclusions and wouldn’t listen…people hear what they want to hear. I did feel for her though, as she told me it breaks her heart to see her granddaughter getting bigger – and I know that I put my family through hell at times; but you have to WANT to do it for yourself!
I also keep getting asked what my secret is – it’s simple, join Slimming World and you’ll find out! Joining really has changed my life. I know I have a long way to go yet, but I am learning to break old, bad habits and to develop new, healthy habits with the support of my group – and the support of people on Twitter. I would advise anyone to join a group…I know I couldn’t do it alone and I plan on being a regular Slimming World target attendee…they won’t get rid of me easily now!
So today’s usuals include the above, along with a trip to Asda and our morning visit to the horse. I was sat in the car at the horses this morning – trying to keep my posh clothes clean! – and I watched them eating their hay. My youngest horse is always first to the hay…he wolfs his breakfast down and then runs over quickly. This is because he knows he has a small window of opportunity before my Welsh lad comes over and pushes him off onto a smaller pile of hay! So I watched him and his half-sister eating contentedly…and then I saw the Welshie walking towards them – neck stretched, nose forwards, ears back…and watched the others move away quickly. The Welshie is the boss of the herd and loves his food – he has to taste each pile of hay and decide which is the ‘best’ before he settles down to eat…definitely takes after his human mother!
Breakfast: Banana and Benefit bar (no pic of the bar as it was an afterthought for post WI!)
Lunch: Two lovely turkey, cheese and salad sandwiches.
Dinner: Chicken balti – with green pepper, mushrooms, aubergine and tomato.
Snacks: Muller light and pretzels.
My ‘cheat’ days have really been tamed! Alright, so the pretzels aren’t great but I like them and wanted some – so I allowed myself some instead of the crisps I would normally have. I saw a pic on Twitter of a lovely balti last night and really fancied a curry…so we made our own instead of ordering in as my other half suggested!
Exercise: None today!
It’s my beloved WI day of rest…before the push starts again tomorrow. I am going to aim for my Gold Body Magic award…so need five x 30 minute sessions a week, maintained for eight weeks – eek! I know I am kind of there already in terms of the amount I do each week, but it feels silly that someone like me – with over 22st to lose still – is thinking of getting a Gold award for exercise in only eight weeks time. I don’t know why it feels silly – probably years of feeling like a lemon when it comes to sport – but I am going to go for it and show that a fattie can be active too! Not necessarily healthy yet, but getting there with correct eating and exercise.
Thanks for reading this folks, and for letting me share my emotional side!
Lots of love and squishy hugs,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx
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P.S. Look at my lovely new fleecy blanket…my other half is inside…he was testing it out and was very jealous!!