My current favourite words are ‘Pinarello’ and ‘Flip-Flops’
I just felt the need to share that! I like words. They can be quite powerful. Don’t worry, this isn’t one of those posts where I rant on about the power of positive words and reframing!
It is quite simply a random blog post about some of the words and weirdness in my life.
So Pinarello is a new one. I discovered this one courtesy of Mr WLB and his foray into the world of bikes. Pinarello is an up-market Italian bike company…like the Ferrari of the bike world! I quite like the word…Pinarello, Pinarello, Pinarello. I am not quite so keen on the prices though. Given that I am no Bradley Wiggins – although my PCOS means that I could thrash him in the sideburns stakes – I am not splashing out on a Pinarello just yet…I will continue to say the word though, as I love it.
I also love the word ‘Flip-Flop’. I am not quite sure why. I remember my graphic design class and I drew some flip-flops and some quite funky designs on them. I just think the word rolls off the tongue quite nicely!
I do NOT like the word ‘moist’. This word makes me feel sick. When people use it to describe cakes, all I can think of are those cheap and tacky romance novels that use the word moist in an entirely different context. Moist is not a word that I like.
Neither is damp – for the exact same reasons as above!
WARNING – if you are easily offended then close this blog post and come back tomorrow please!
I absolutely hate the word ‘gash’…which Mr WLB will say just to wind me up. He also uses the word ‘minge’ if he is really on a mission to piss me off. I much prefer the word ‘cunt’. I don’t find this offensive at all. I worked with a group of people who thought that the word was perfectly acceptable and it kind of stuck. Plus, there is no better word to use during road-rage moments – of which I am having less of as I try to become all zen-like through my meditation practice! Everyone knows what you are saying when you mouth the word ‘cunt’ to them…whether they are looking at you in a rear-view mirror or not!
There are some other things about me that you may wish to know. I wrote these quite some time ago when given a challenge to come up with some random facts. Mine were less fact-like and more confessional…and I am not a Catholic so goodness knows where the confessional came from…
1. I had an obsession with wallpaper as a child.
Peeling it off the walls – even when we weren’t decorating – and also for pressing in the air bits on anaglypta wallpaper. The worst thing about this fact is that I used to blame my little sister for peeling the wallpaper off…and have never admitted that! Sorry sis!
2. I rebuild food.
Namely burgers – and mentioned this to a fellow blogger who also does the same thing! I cannot stand burgers with straggly lettuce, or cheese that hangs over the edge. So I take them apart, eat the gherkins first, eat most of the salad, peel the cheese off the edge and any that has stuck to the box, reassemble the burger and will only eat it once it’s gone cold! I don’t have to do this much anymore…as I make my own burgers instead of buying them from McDonalds or Burger King.
3. Sweaty nose.
I have a really sweaty nose – and it’s not a fat chick thing…I have always had this, even as a child! So I can often be found doing a sneaky little move to wipe it off. It sweats when I am sitting doing nothing too – very strange.
4. I pick up accents and phrases really quickly.
If you asked me to ‘do’ an accent, I probably couldn’t do it justice. But if you sat me with someone and I had a conversation with them, I would very quickly be sounding like they do and using the same language and colloquialisms. It can seem as if I am taking the mickey, but I never used to know I did it until I worked in Glasgow and was using all sorts of wonderful words within a week of being there!
5. I eat crisps in flavour order.
You rarely get a multipack of your favourite flavour French Fries – unless you want just Worcester Sauce ones..which are lovely. But they aren’t Cheese and Onion! So I eat the Salt and Vinegar ones first, and then alternate Ready Salted and Cheese and Onion…but always finish with a Cheese and Onion packet. This sounds awful, as if I regularly eat a multipack – well, I used to eat at least a multipack each day – I can’t remember when I last ate a bag of crisps!
6. I share a birthday with Tupac Shakur and Eddie Cibrian!
I am a Gemini – my birthstone is Pearl – my flower is a Rose – my lucky number is 5 – and my tree is the Elder tree…apparently! I don’t like ‘normal’ pearls though but instead have some keshi fresh water ones…and I am not a huge rose fan…I like gerberas and tulips!
7. I owned Madonna.
Who was my goldfish – a very aggressive goldfish who actually ate my other ones and lived for bloody years…until she started swimming upside down and then died.
8. Shoe obsession.
As a child – and in fact now – I had a shoe obsession. I would take my new shoes to bed with me as I didn’t want to let them out of my sight…the day I got my ‘Secret Key’ shoes was immense; I could hardly sleep as I spent all night staring at them. I also seem to recall being put to bed in my red wellies – which I was inseparable from…along with my red hard hat…but I was about five and can be forgiven!
9. I check the age of my on-screen crushes!
Most recent age check was whilst watching ‘My Mad Fat Diary’ and lusting over Finn – or Nico Mirallegro. Luckily, it turned out he is 22, so it was all fine and not illegal in the slightest! Today’s check was on a Tour de France rider…but he was only 9 years younger than me…no bother there then!
10. I check the age of actresses too!
This is also for lust reasons…but only lusting for their body to be my body. My logic is that if they are a few years older than me, I’ve still got time to achieve a good body and play catch up! I know this is plainly ludicrous, and have tried not to do this – as it is just not going to happen. But I did recently check the age of Sarah on Neighbours…Nicola Charles…who is 43, so this might be more achievable – haha!
11. Stair creeping.
I used to have to go to bed at the same time as my little sister, which I thought was incredibly unfair, and so I would sneak downstairs – when my Dad was on nights – to watch Dallas with my Mum. However, my sister was a light sleeper, so if she moved, I would freeze until I could hear that her breathing was normal again. This meant that I became the master of avoiding the creaky parts of the stairs…but one night, I was stuck on one step for so long as my sister was restless, that I wet my pants and Mum had to clean me up!
Seeing faces in clouds is fairly common I believe, but I also see them in wood grain and tree shadows. As a regular nighttime toilet goer, I never switch the light on as I don’t want to wake my other half up…and so there are lots of shadows cast on the back of the bathroom door. I can either see what looks like a depiction of Jesus, or the Devil, depending on which way you look at it. There is also a rabbit too. The trees in my garden cast shadows on my bedroom wall and I also fight with my other half to keep the curtains open so I can see them at night, as I find it quite therapeutic! This is where my ‘Face of the Day’ comes from on my Facebook page.
13. Line up!
Another random fact, and weird habit that I have, is lining things up. Not in the physical sense…I don’t have to have things neatly lined up, but I will sit there and hold my hand in the air and try and line the edge of my hand up with the edge of the TV screen. I like the line of my hand and the edge of the TV to be perfectly straight and will sometimes sit there for ages trying to achieve this. I occasionally use my feet to do this to. It can be TV screens, or the corners of walls, or the fireplace…anything with a straight edge that I can get my hand to line up with!!
14. Eye switching.
I also love closing and opening my eyes – i.e. I will have my left eye closed and my right one open and then switch this to my left eye open and my right eye closed. I like this because things move and look as if they are closer than they really are. And I know you’re trying it as you read this – haha! It works, doesn’t it?!
15. Split ends!
About fifteen years ago I had a major issue with split ends…not that I had many, but I just hate them. So I used to keep a pair of scissors on my desk and would spend hours whilst I was on the phone trimming the ends of my hair, strand by strand! I used to have to sweep my desk each night and the bin ended up loaded with little tiny hairs. Luckily, I am over this now…but still hate seeing them.
16. Naming things.
I name things – and the names tend to be male names for some reason. So my car is Freddie Freelander, the remote control is called Derrie, my old car was Mike Mercedes, and I had Gary Golf too. My hands are called Mitt 1 and Mitt 2…as they look like boxing gloves…not because I like Mitt Romney! My feet are Trotter 1 and Trotter 2 as, yes, they look like little pigs feet. And I have evened christened my boobs Barry and Larry – oh, the shame. My candlestick in the bedroom is called Winston and I also owned something called Vinnie…but I will leave you guessing as to what Vinnie was!
17. I love the ‘C’ word!
I don’t swear much, but when I do unleash it is the foulest tirade you will ever hear. I can’t even blame this on working in male dominated environments, although that type of language does seem to be more accepted if it’s used by men, as I have always been like this. Once I hear a naughty word, it gets stuck in my head and, if I know it is particularly offensive, I just seem to use it even more. My other half says that I rarely go for a day without using the ‘cunt’ word, especially when I am driving…and my reason for this is that I think it has a good mouth feel and people can clearly lip read what you are calling them. ‘Wanker’ is also good for this reason!
18. Hate bones.
Urgh! If you give me a piece of food or a meal, and I find a bone in it, it makes me feel sick and I won’t eat anymore of it. I have paid a fortune in the past for lovely pieces of fish, only to get a bone in the first piece and I then end up feeding the rest to the dog or leaving it. So when I mentioned my KFC fetish in past blogs, it was always a boneless bucket that did it for me!
19. Vivid dreams.
Suffering from vivid dreams is a nightmare at times – if you’ll forgive the pun! It doesn’t happen so much now, but I used to have dreams and would wake up convinced that they were real. This was especially the case when I went to bed after a drunken night out…I would convince myself that a particular guy I used to talk to was lovely – based on the contents of my dream – even though in real life he was a dick! It really messed with my head and I must have walked around in some alternate reality for a few years when I was at my clubbing peak…and I wasn’t even dabbling in drugs, so can’t blame that. I recently dreamt that my field was made of chocolate brownie and I started eating it whilst walking across it to see my horse…a psychologist would have a ball with me!
20. Pretended I was a hairdresser.
I still laugh when I think about this! I somehow managed to convince Mr WLB that I had trained to be a hairdresser…even though he’s known me for a few years and I’d never once before mentioned it. It was because I wanted to cut his messy hair! Anyway, such a good of convincing him I did, that he let me loose with some sharp Whal scissors…it was awful, bless him. I had to call my Dad and ask him to bring his clippers over and had cut it so badly in places that the only solution was a skinhead all over. Luckily, he saw the funny side – as did everyone else apart from his Gran who loved his hair the way it was!
21. And a DJ!
When I got my first job in internal recruitment, rather than agency recruitment, I was really thrown in at the deep end. I was working for a rapidly growing company and ended up taking part in strategic planning meetings, as I was the only HR type person they had…and I was intimidated at times by the characters involved! It was all men, all with big egos, and I didn’t really have huge amounts to say – even though what I did say was gold! Anyway, at the start of these meetings we would do an icebreaker and one of them was to come up with a random fact and we had to guess who it belonged to. So I fibbed, to make my life sound more interesting! Everyone knew I had horses, so I couldn’t use that, and I wasn’t really that interesting…they were all a lot older than me and had more life experiences. So I wrote that I DJ’d in clubs…needless to say they didn’t guess it was mine for quite some time!
22. Clumsy but practical.
I am incredibly clumsy with practical things. What I mean by this is that I am great with practical tasks, such as Ikea flat pack, but I will always drop screws and end up searching for ages for them. So whilst the flat pack is always built well, the fiddly bits cause me issues! The same goes for when I when I was counting my beads into my ‘lbs to go’ and ‘lbs lost’ jars…the buggers ended up all over the place.
23. Pencil cases.
I used to love buying new pencil cases for school – but only if I could sniff them first as I loved the smell of the plastic! I was gutted when pencil tins became de rigueur and instead developed a habit for scraping the paint off them and having a silver tin…yes, I was a little weird!
24. Farting in front of fans!
This is a current favourite of mine. I have a knack of timing my bedtime trumps just right. They hit the air stream from the fan and choke Mr WLB…it makes us laugh so much but I am sure it’s not something you could during that honeymoon period in a relationship.
25. Super Mario.
Mr WLB used to call me Mario. This was because – courtesy of my PCOS – I used to sit with a massive hair removing cream covered upper lip. I used to do this in secret until he caught me and thought it was hilarious. I rely on my trusty Tweezerman’s now and can often be found in the car park at Asda – as the light is so good – plucking beard and chin hairs!
So there we have it…some of my wonderful weirdness. Give it a go yourself – it’s quite fun writing some of the more unique things about yourself!
I have had a great day today. It started with a nice Pilates class, and then was slightly soured by an argument with Mr WLB – I do think that they can be good though…I think if you don’t argue occasionally, then you don’t care enough! I then rode a bike around a car park…which Mr WLB filmed. Victoria Pendleton I am not. The poor bike. It has reassured me that I am doing the right thing in waiting before getting on a horse again…the bike will have to put up with me for a while first. I haven’t bought it yet but think I am going to. I never thought that I would be on a bike this soon. I thought it would be something I did next year…so it’s quite exciting to think of that one being ticked off the list! We then had a picnic at the stables with my Mum and the ponies…and a paddling pool. I have a phobia of baths, so instead bought a bath slice from Lush and stuck it in the paddling pool and lounged around in that for an hour or so in the sun…it was bloody marvellous. Then we came home and Mr WLB started strimming the garden. It is jungle-like…seriously jungle-like…5ft high nettles, brambles, and well-established weeds. When I was at my worst, it was all Mr WLB could do to look after the house and me and keep his job going. So some things got ignored. It is now time to give our garden some attention. He is gearing up for a bike ride tomorrow morning…I am gearing up for a nice sleep and maybe some book-reading!
Today’s food looked like this…
Exercise: Pilates…and a tiny pootle on a bike…just round and round a car park!
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx