There are elements of today’s blog post that are incredibly obscene – and, for once, I am not referring to my language! 😉
Mainly, it relates to my day of delights yesterday…which turned out to be not very delightful at all.
I guess the most obscene element has to be how much I spent on the food items that I chose yesterday…so before I wimp out and avoid being honest – which was part of what saw me getting to 43st 5.5lbs – I will get it over and done with…
I spent £47.30…£47.30 that I don’t really have – well, I certainly don’t fecking have it anymore! 😉
The slightly less obscene element – but only slightly less – was the spread of food that I chose…again, before I wimp out, here goes…
£4.00 breakfast batch
£2.68 peanut butter
£2.50 coronation chicken sandwich
£1.00 almond croissant
£3.45 biscuits for pâté
£2.45 gouda cheese biscuits
£1.99 raspberry jam
£3.55 chicken liver pâté
£1.30 walnut bread
£3.65 peanut brittle
£2.50 onion bhaji crisps
£2.25 stem ginger and lemon cookies
£7.99 date and walnut cake
£4.00 mint and cucumber mojito mocktail
£3.90 fruit of the boom super smoothie
Now, in fairness to me I didn’t eat it all – far from it in fact, which was a positive behaviour change! I tasted a bit of everything…but Mr WLB has enjoyed finishing the goodies this weekend.
This shopping trip reminded me of how careless I used to be with money. I actually reined myself in yesterday whereas the old me would just put whatever I wanted in the basket regardless of cost pretty much…I guess it explains why I could give up a £40,000+ role and still survive…all of my money went on food! 😉
When I think about what I could have bought with the money I spent yesterday…well, it really pisses me off! I could have pushed the boat out and had smoked scallops to start, fillet steak main, and beautiful berries for dessert…which cost a fair bit, but would have given me much more satisfaction. Anyway…
More obscenity comes from the dislike I had for that food. Why did I spend that much on food that I didn’t enjoy? Well, it was an experiment and, thankfully, my hypothesis was proven! 🙂
My Dad really struggled yesterday, and today, with my reasoning for going off the rails for the day. He worries about me getting the taste for this kind of eating again…he kept saying that my head was telling me that I wanted it, but my body was telling me that I didn’t. With the latter, he is referring to how I felt after eating it – which I will come to in a moment. He couldn’t understand why I wanted to do what I did.
However, his head thing is so off the mark. The reason I chose to eat the way I did yesterday was specifically because I didn’t want to eat that way. Which I appreciate is really strange! I very much wanted to try this kind of food again only when I really didn’t want it. Had I done so when I was craving it, I knew that I would not have been able to be objective enough to determine how the food made me feel. It’s a hard one to explain. I needed to test myself – to give me some reassurance that the path I am on is the one I want to be on…not one that I feel forced to be on to shift weight. I needed to test myself to see the results of the effort I have put in when it comes to behaviour change. How could I do that if my emotions were all over the place and I was reverting back to my old behaviour? The only time I could do it was when I felt like not doing it…which again, sounds strange!
So my hypothesis was correct. I didn’t really believe that I would like this food again. I didn’t think that it would make me crave it further. I thought it would make me ill. It did all of these things!
At first, a few of the items I tasted were lovely. The walnut bread from Marks and Spencer with luxury raspberry jam tasted immense…for the first couple of mouthfuls…as did the same bread with peanut butter on. The first few bites of the stem ginger and lemon cookies were lovely…by the end of it, I felt sick. The peanut brittle was far too sweet. The coronation chicken sandwich was, as I said last night, ‘claggy’! The almond croissant was ‘meh’. The chicken liver pâté was bitter. The onion bhaji crisps were oily. I won’t go on! 😉
By lunchtime I was craving fruit and veggies. In fact, the nicest food I had yesterday was the ‘Fruit of the BOOM’ smoothie…yogurt, berries, and solstic energy boost. This is something I could replicate with ease on Slimming World. I was certainly not left craving junk.
It definitely made me ill. I hardly slept last night. My stomach felt bloated (as it would following the mammoth list of food!) and grumbly. I had indigestion all night long. My mouth was as dry as an old flip-flop and I kept having to drink water in the night…which meant that I was on the loo. I was burping and farting like Shrek. I felt all groggy this morning…a junk-food hangover of epic proportions…a headache, snotty nose, lack of energy…it was not a good morning. I had to miss Pilates as I was so tired and bloated and was worried that I might do a Shrek in the class! 🙂
So my experiment worked. I was so bloody happy to eat Slimming World food again today. I do not feel the need to retest my hypothesis anytime soon! 😉
I learnt that certain foods in moderation taste good – hence the limitation on these foods via syns with Slimming World I guess. I learnt that I could go off track without going off the rails totally – which means I may enjoy the odd meal off plan for extremely special occasions…when I get married for example! 😉 And above all else I learnt that I am okay…I am heading in the the right direction and making real changes. I was once contacted by a Slimming World national competition winner who told me that I would always struggle…that she still wants to eat all of the ‘bad’ food and has a constant battle of restricting herself. I have remembered this and have worried about it slightly. This experiment reassured me.
And that’s it from me really. I am off to plan healthy meals with Mr WLB in light of our live blood analysis reports…I will tell you more about those this week. Today turned out well. We spent some time at the stables with my Mum cleaning and sorting stuff out. We also popped to the tack shop and I sat on a saddle again! Mum bought her new air jacket for riding. We had a little picnic. Mum de-knotted the long manes of my wild bunch…I want to cut them a bit, but Mum likes them long and to be honest, the last time I tired to cut their manes, they all looked like an 80s hairstylist had got hold of them! Then I did the best thing that I have done in a long time…I took my horses for a walk! 🙂 I haven’t done this in ages…probably 4 or 5 years I think. I took my Welsh lad out first. He’s very vocal and was calling to the other horses in the area. He also grows taller when his energy is ‘up’ and he prances a bit…so he looks very impressive! He is funny though, as if anything scares him then he kind of hides behind me! We had a good little walk…not too far…just up to see the aeroplanes and back and then we – well he! – are some leaves off the trees on the way home and entertained some children in a passing car by answering them with a loud scream when they shouted ‘hello’ at him! Then it was the turn of my young lad. It was his first ever time out on the roads, so we only went a very short distance…partly as some plonker scared him by revving his sports engine on the way past. So we walked a bit further until he’d calmed down and had seen some nice cars go by. Please don’t call the RSPCA though…I was on foot…not riding them…their backs are still in tact! 😉
That’s it from me – have a wonderful evening! 🙂
Today’s food looked like this…
Breakfast: Rye cheese toast (2 x HEB and 1 x HEA), scrambled eggs, spinach, and a banana.
Lunch: Salmon salad and a lovely fresh fig!
Dinner: Roast butternut squash and leftover veggie chilli.
Snack: Cold porridge with almond milk and berries (12 syns and 1 x HEA).
Exercise: Not a lot today at all! 🙁
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx
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