Apologies for my outburst, but the last thing I needed after weigh in was our local ice-cream van stuttering down the road with his annoying tinny speakers blaring out old-skool tunes! Does he not realise that his little van was at risk of being hijacked by an irritated Slimming World follower? If he had known the danger he was in, I am sure he would avoided our cul-de-sac…instead preferring turf war activity with the local Mr Softee!
But hey-ho this Weight Loss Bitch prefers love not war and so I decided to let him live on in peace.
It is not that I was annoyed after weigh in – just a little disappointed really. For those of you who haven’t already heard, the result today was…
…so it was fine really – 1.5lbs is the recommended loss. It is just that I am a bit of an anomaly really – there aren’t many people at my size out there (although there are a hell of lot more than there used to be!) and so I don’t think that the recommended loss is good enough! It will take me a lifetime to reach my target and I feel like I have already wasted my twenties as a result of my weight, and I don’t want to have to spend the whole of my thirties sorting it…I want to live now. I do not expect miracles though…but neither do I want it to take years and years!
People always say things like, ‘slow and steady wins the race’ – but I have always been slow and steady…and not once have I won a fecking race! In fact slow and steady generally meant last for me – last on sports day and last back from the warm up run around the all-weather pitch…and the so called ‘warm up’ run used to finish me off! I don’t want to be slow and steady anymore – my mind is quick and fast and I want my bloody body to catch up! I absolutely understand that people mean well – and I have said the same – when they say that…but it just makes me want to shove my new pink Slimming World fridge magnet where the sun doesn’t shine on them! Perhaps I have anger issues as well as food issues!
So yes – I am frustrated and I am having a moan – and no, I am not apologising for my moan. I need to get it out of my system and move on…and I need to do this without using food to help me…so just let me vent! I understand that there will be some of you sitting there and thinking what an ungrateful cow I am for moaning about losing weight. I know that we all struggle and that any loss is a good thing. But Slimming World really is becoming a way of life for me now – so I don’t find that I am struggling as much as I used to, but don’t think that this means I have taken my eye off the ball either. I am still very careful about what I put in this fine specimen of a temple (ahem!) and I record my food methodically…it is just that it has become second nature for me. I don’t eat cake or go on the beer or have lots of meals out and I take this seriously – so yes, I do get annoyed when I hear stories of people doing these things and losing weight, and yes – in some cases I do feel that I deserve my weight loss more than someone who hasn’t been as careful as I have. But then I give myself a bit of a talking too! We are all different and we will all get what we deserve in the end…so I know it will come.
Before you judge me though for feeling fed up about a small loss just try and put yourself in my comfy Crocs…I still weigh 31st 7lbs…and I still feel so many aches and pains and life is bloody hard at this size. It is easier than it was at 43st+ – but it is still hard. How would you feel with a 1.5lb loss, knowing that you still had 287lbs to lose before you hit target…at that rate, it would take me 191.3 weeks…or over 3.5 years to get to where I want to be. My horses will end up becoming veterans before they have even started their ridden careers…and I will be old and wrinkly! Maybe a slight over exaggeration…as I am pretty much wrinkle free and get mistaken for being in my early twenties – and I am 31…so maybe I just need to man-up and get on with it!
So that’s what I’ll do – I will just crack on. There is no choice really; the alternative doesn’t bear thinking about. My consultant was as disappointed as I was and spoke to me in group and called me afterwards for a chat. We have decided that I am going to drop my syns back down again but she doesn’t want me having less than 15 per day, which is fine by me. I am also going to look back through the blog and see if I can compare a week when I had a good loss with last week and see if I can spot the difference! My consultant is so bloody marvellous and has been looking through my food and said that nothing ‘wrong’ jumped out at all. I personally have decided to cut back on the bread – and this is a killer for me as I love the stuff – but I used to feel very bloated when I ate it…even though this isn’t the case now, I am wondering if I am one of these that doesn’t do well with it. Mr Warburton will be so upset – his profits might plunge! But I am not going to cut it out completely though…just a bit less than I have been having.
One week with a result that doesn’t quite go as planned is not a huge deal really. After last weeks 1.5lb loss I was expecting a 4lb loss perhaps, especially after I have been a Weight Loss Angel…so this is why I am trying to work through it this week. And a text that my consultant sent me last night summed things up nicely for me – it said, ‘if it didn’t matter then you wouldn’t care, and if you didn’t care then you wouldn’t try, and if you didn’t try then you wouldn’t achieve, and then you wouldn’t get anywhere!’ I do care – I care so much! I don’t want to feel as if I am holding my other half back…we want to travel and enjoy life and I am the one holding this up. And I want to be able to run around with the kids, and I want to become a foster carer, and I want to inspire other people – and show them that it can be done. And in order to do all of this, I need to do it first!
But anyway – my little tantrum is over now – and thank you to those of you who have stuck with it! I absolutely do appreciate all of the positive vibes and support…so please don’t think that I am an ungrateful sod…and I promise that if you said ‘slow and steady’ to me today, that I won’t be running after you with my fridge magnet…I can’t run yet for a start!
So let us take a quick look at the usuals…
Mum picked us up this morning and we dropped my other half off at the stables whilst we headed to group. After weighing in I got on with the signing in of everyone else and managed to catch up with a few people. We then had a bit of a discussion in group about ‘tweaks’ such as roasted chickpeas, smash scones, lasagne sheet ‘Doritos’ and homemade crisps. Even though Slimming World advise against this on their website, there are people that chose to tweak…and there are consultants who think that it is fine too. And I guess it is, if you are losing weight successfully…but why make your job harder just for the sake of a pile of crisps?! You are supposed to use the highest syn value for them…so a handful of roasted chickpeas would be the same syns as the Original day chickpea syn value, same for Smash etc. But I won’t preach – I just choose not to do it as I am trying to stick with my three meals a day and my evening syns…if I need to snack then I would chose a Superfree piece of fruit…and if I am still hungry then I would put it down to boredom or emotional eating and would look at tackling that rather than finding sneaky and ingenious ways of cheating the Slimming World eating plan. So I guess I have just preached – sorry! After group we picked my other half up and headed to McDonalds for a commiseration feast…only joking – of course I bloody didn’t! We headed to Asda and Picked up supplies for today. I then caught up with my consultant and after this I had a rather intriguing call from a lady who works as a personal development specialist and clinical hypnotist and wanted to chat with me. I am not going to say too much at the moment though, but needless to say that I am always looking at ways of tackling the ‘head issues’ and see this as complimentary to Slimming World, not in place of it…but I will fill you in as things progress! It was then an afternoon of looking over past blog posts and calculating weight losses – an average of 2.69lbs a week so far this year…so not bad.
Breakfast: A banana and two Benefit bars (HEB).
So my food today was a little designed for comfort! Brekkie was just something quick and light before class – the banana eaten BS (before scales) and the bars eaten AS (after scales)! Lunch was selected by my other half as I was in a huff and couldn’t decide – and I think he chose well…the pitta took me over my syn limit of 25 for the day…but what’s 5 syns when it could easily have been a McDonalds?! Dinner was a replica of last weeks lovely weigh in day meal…no Superfree, but again – compared to my post weigh in blitzes of the past, very tame indeed. In fact, I used to lose a fair old whack after those blitzes…I am not going back to that behaviour though! And the Velvet Crunch are lovely…and only 4 syns per pack…and yes, I had my crisp feast. I am going to have to perhaps reconsider this next week as I am dropping my syns down again, but as it is something that I have done regularly…hmmm…let me think about it!
Exercise: None! My leg has been giving me real problems today and I was in so much pain in my Mums car that it actually made me see stars…and that has never happened before. So I will be getting it checked out as soon as my car is back…which should be tomorrow, but surprise surprise, they are still waiting for a part!
So there we go then folks – my weigh in day update / moan / rant / poor me post is complete. But I think we can all agree that if losing weight was a simple case of eating less and moving more, then we wouldn’t be so fat in the first place – the heart and the head are regularly at odds with each other!
Thank you for reading – all my love,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx