I am not quite sure that this is even a word – but I have been doing a lot of it lately anyway…
Let’s take a look at my response to Mr WLB losing his job and I think it might convey what I mean by catastrophising…
I made the leap from him losing his job to us losing our house and being destitute.
That’s quite a big fecking leap.
In fact, there is a little irony in tonights blog post. I am currently squashed in the vestibule of a Virgin train out of Euston. A late Virgin train out of Euston. This late train was boarded my me – just – after missing four tube trains due to them being crammed fuller than Katie Price’s bras! It’s a fecking horrendous commute!
Anyway, I was crammed in the vestibule sitting on a floor covered in goodness knows how many germs and was wondering how to occupy myself on my long journey home. I had already eaten my Nakd bars – Cocoa Delight and Christmas Pud flavour – and suddenly had a brainwave about using my time constructively and thought I would share my catastrophising with you.
So I opened my rucksack and had a feel around for my iPad. I couldn’t feel it. I slid my hand in my folder of CVs, between that and my laptop, between that and my wooly hat and water…I couldn’t feel my iPad!
Immediately I panicked.
I wasn’t panicking about the fact that I had lost it. I was panicking about who would find it…work. They would surely read it and see that I am lining up other interviews and get rid of me.
Catastrophising. I do it regularly.
The iPad was clearly there…or else you wouldn’t be reading this!
So let’s go to back to Mr WLB losing his job. There are many, many, many steps between losing a job and losing your house. So why did I think the worst. Why didn’t I think, ‘What a great opportunity for him to find a fabulous new job!’ Why did I have visions of having to buy a tent from Go Outdoors and pitching it on my sisters lawn? Why was I wondering how to keep the mortgage company off our backs? Why was I panicking about having to sell my beloved horses for affordability reasons?
There really wasn’t the need to get so worked up.
Life has continued. I have a job – okay, I hate the travel…but it pays the bills. Mr WLB has a job – it’s a lot less money…but it pays the bills. We aren’t going to lose the house…and I don’t have to part with my horses.
Now, when I think about it properly, I have catastrophised lots of things. When my first boyfriend dumped me – twice! – I thought my life was over…I reckon we’ve all been there though!
Not being able to find my iPad. Now, if I had left it at work I think someone would have just stuck it in a cupboard for me. I doubt they would read it…and if they did then I am not sure my emails would be the first place they would start – they would probably wonder what the feck the photos are on there…as not many of them know about my weight loss and there are a fair few of the ‘old me’!
So a misplaced iPad equals me losing my job in my catastrophic world!
Then I got to thinking about how many times I have catastrophised my weight loss journey. Those times when I eat off plan on the odd occasion and think that I’ve blown it. Or those times when I can’t get to the gym and think I will lose my fitness levels overnight. Or those times when the numbers haven’t gone my way and I wanted to throw the scales across the room in a fit of rage.
There isn’t really the need to get so worked up.
Although the train is making some rather strange noises…this might be an appropriate time to get a little worked up – especially as it was late due to fallen trees and overhead power cables!
Anyway, last nights blog post – about it being okay to fuck up, but it not being okay to give up – got me thinking about how I might work on this habit of mine. I don’t want to get so laid back that I don’t give a damn, but I reckon that some of the things I waste my energy worrying about aren’t really worth worrying about.
Maybe give it a go if you a fellow catastrophiser!
So I am still stuck on the noisy train and wishing that I was home. Mr WLB is out at football training tonight and I know that I have to make dinner when I get home. I haven’t prepped it, but it’s a quick and easy one…and then it’s bed. Tomorrow is a trip to Lapland UK with my niece and nephew so I will fill you in on that when I get back…I am wondering if the elves are ready for a WLB ice skating display?!
Today’s food was lovely but I was lax with the pictures…
Breakfast: Two boiled eggs and cherry tomatoes, followed by an apple and banana in the office.
Lunch: Hummus and falafel salad with bulghar wheat and fruit salad.
Dinner: Mushroom, red onion, and spinach omelette with sweet potato.
Snacks: Nakd bars (12.5 syns) with nuts (2 x HEB) and Babybels (2 x HEA).
Exercise: Just fecking trekking around the London Underground system…I feel like a Womble!
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx
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