Given the fact most of you know that at my heaviest I was 43st 5.5lbs, I am really not sure how to communicate this in the best possible way; so please bear with me! Yesterday’s blog got some great comments and tweets about how people could relate to it, and that it was a funny and light-hearted take on a subject that we have all dealt with. I am doubting that this will be the case with this one but, as I started this blog to get my thoughts ‘out’ and deal with my ‘head’ issues, I am going to plough on regardless. 🙂
During my daily visit to Asda I was people watching again whilst waiting for my other half to do the daily shop. As I sat watching people coming and going I was ashamed to discover that I had plastered a look of absolute disgust on my face. Why had I done this? Well, walking towards the car next to me was a huge chap, a huge little girl and a huge boy in his early teens; they were closely followed by a huge lady. When I say ‘huge’ I don’t use the term lightly. They were a very big family and each of them would have definitely been classed as morbidly obese, even the little girl – who sadly looked like a younger version of me. Both of the children were clutching the biggest sized cups of Slush Puppy each, and you could see that their bags contained mostly junk food – chocolate bars, crisps etc.
Part of me wanted to grab the man – I am assuming that he was the dad – and drag him out of earshot of the children and ask him what the hell he was playing at. How on earth could he allow his children to follow in their obviously unhealthy footsteps? But what response did I expect? Had someone done this to me when I was at my heaviest – in fact they did – I would ignore them and head straight for the junk food to comfort myself. Would he have been angry and lost it with me, or would it have shamed him into doing something positive? Either way, anger or shame, it really is no sort of emotion that is going to help get you on the right track. And no, before you ask, I wasn’t jealous that they had a Slush Puppy and I didn’t…even if it was one of my favourite pre-diabetes drinks!
Why did I feel so judgemental? Was it is that I didn’t want to be tarred with the same brush as this junk food eating, morbidly obese family? After all, I am working bloody hard to make positive changes. Or was it because it broke my heart to look at that boy, and that little girl, and know that they are going to face a lifetime of bullying and upset unless they do something about it now? The little girl had a beautiful face, and boy had the makings of a handsome teenager, but how is that going to help them in today’s image led society? I know that obesity amongst children is far more prevalent than it was when I was younger, but just because there are more fat kids doesn’t mean the slimmer ones won’t take the mickey out of them. I know that I feel so strongly about not letting children pick up the poor eating habits of their parents, but I really shocked myself today!
The dad looked as if he didn’t have a care in the world, and was loudly whistling his way across the car park, which drew the attention of a lot of people. And I sat there watching the looks on these people’s faces. Some of them weren’t bothered and carried on with what they were doing, but others shared my look of disgust, or nudged the person they were with to have a look too. What sort of life is this to lead? And why do people behave like this, me included? I was sat there looking in disgust at someone who probably weighed less than I do now, with my stomach touching the steering wheel, whilst planning my evening meal…before I’d even eaten my lunch! I mean for f*cks sake…what the hell is wrong with me?
My concern at my reaction – and those of others, that I have also experienced myself – was so great that I wanted to do a bit of research to find out if it was just me…apparently not. There are numerous websites with disgusting comments about how people feel about fat and obesity in general. I am not going to give these dickheads the time of day however…as yesterday’s blog said, most of these people just want a reaction to satisfy their need to taunt someone. However I did stumble across some articles that mentioned a research study that was conducted back in 2007.
This study showed that when faced with the sight of an obese person, our immune system behaves as it would with an infection sending signals to the brain that obesity is ‘bad’. As it would attack viruses and bacteria, our immune system sends out signals of disgust that are designed to make our bodies avoid and survive – in this case, avoid obesity. Researchers say that our immune system has evolved into a behavioural one that encourages us to avoid things such as rashes and cuts on other beings, and therefore avoiding the ‘infection’ ourselves.
I’m not sure that I buy this though; I think it can be used as a convenient excuse by a prejudiced society! Look at the number of discrimination laws that are now in place – anti sexism, anti racism, anti ageism. I am not a wearer of rose-tinted glasses though and I know that gay people still get treated horribly, I know racism is still alive and kicking, and I know that – given the choice – a company is likely to choose a person at the peak of their career rather than someone who is in the ‘twilight’ of theirs. But there are laws to protect these people, which can put some people off…but unfortunately it has just made them seek another outlet for their frustrations. Fat bashing isn’t illegal…yet. Fingers bloody crossed that it is made so at some point as, having worked in HR and Recruitment for a number of years, I have heard professional colleagues making some incredibly derogatory comments about ‘larger’ people and if the HR crowd do it, what chance is there for the rest of us?!
Whilst I’m guessing that your first reaction when you see an obese person might not be sympathy, I’m politely suggesting that you take the time to consider the person underneath the rolls of fat! Like me – and you – they could already be taking steps towards a healthier life (although Asda man…Slush Puppy’s are not, and never will be, considered healthy…do you hear me?!). We all know how bloody difficult it is to do something about our weight – whether it’s a stone or twenty of them we need to lose. We all know how hard it is to prise our hefty buttocks off the sofa in order to move more. We all know that it’s easier to order a takeaway and sit watching TV than it is to get into the kitchen and cook. But have you ever seen a how hard it is for a pallbearer to deal with a coffin for an obese person…watch any episode of Supersize vs Superskinny and you will see for yourself! It’s far less hard for us to do something now in order to protect our families from having to say goodbye to us, whilst we ‘rest’ – again! – in a coffin that looks like the size of a Cadillac! Harsh perhaps…but true!
After much consideration, I think that my feelings today are more closely linked to the fact that the sight of that family made me feel uncomfortable as I still struggle with my own feelings about my situation. I am still incredibly embarrassed about letting myself reach 43st+, and being faced with a picture of my reality is very hard to deal with. I do have a great deal of both sympathy and empathy for people dealing with obesity and just hope that they too find it within themselves to change. And perhaps that is another reason; how lovely would it be to find out that you were the catalyst for someone taking those first few steps? I want to let people know that it can be done if you want it badly enough! I want to be a healthy weight far more than I want to eat shite now…although, at times, the shite eating does rear it’s ugly head! I feel like I have found a new lease of life, a revelation, and I want to share this with other people; but I realise that I cannot do this directly, without upsetting them – and that is the last thing I would ever wish to do.
I think it was Plato that said “be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”…who knew that Plato was such a wise dude?! 😉
And now for the usuals…
This morning posed a bit of a conundrum for the both of us…we ended up being locked upstairs! The lock mechanism on the door to our lounge, which is at the bottom of the stairs, had somehow jammed or broken in the night and we couldn’t get in. The car keys were in there, the dog was in there and – most critically – my other half’s cigarettes were in there and he was having serious withdrawals. After injuring himself trying to be a hero by using his shoulder to batter the door open, he shouted up and said “maybe you should try, you can put your weight behind it”. Another one of those flippant comments that had us both roaring in laughter! We are hoping to see the neighbours later as they must have wondered what the hell was going on!
After much shoulder barging, leg thrusting and general pushing, I had to resort to calling my dad, something that my other half was not thrilled about. He said “oh for gods sake, you know he’s going to come over and turn the handle and just brush the door with his shoulder and it’ll open!” My other half, whilst wonderfully handsome, kind and intelligent, could in no way shape or form be described as ‘handy’, instead preferring to tinker with his Apple gadgets…his ‘toolbox’ is actually full of Mr Muscle cleaning products instead of tools!! Haha…sorry other half…I know you read this! 😉 And yes, dad came over and opened the door within seconds – albeit using a hammer as a lever!
So once this excitement was over with, we had a quick dash to the horses, the obligatory trip to Asda, and then back home. I also bumped into my sister with my niece and nephew outside…my niece fell out with me last night as I had to tell her off whilst I was babysitting. I asked her if we were friends again yet, but she gave me the ‘thumbs down’ sign and made a big smiley faced ‘thumbs up’ for my other half…oh well, the joys of children ‘eh?! I’m sure she’ll be my friend again by the time she wants a trip in Freddie Freelander to see her little pony!
Breakfast: Mint HiFi and a banana.
Lunch: Chicken Supernoodles, ratatouille and salad.
Dinner: Quorn lamb grills, homemade coleslaw, roasted tomato mushroom and red onion, syn free chips.
Snacks: Two cheese salad wholemeal rolls.
Another nice food day. Breakfast was a quick ‘grab n go’ job as we were late due to the door debacle! Lunch was a bit of a thrown together combo even though it was thought out beforehand…but it tasted rather nice and contained a heck of a lot of superfree food. I fancied a Saturday night burger night so I went all out and did it big – Slimming World stylee – and it was lovely! I have a bit of a thing for the lamb grills at the moment and used these instead of the burgers I had in, as they are syn free and the burgers weren’t. However as we were both hungry, we had dinner earlier than normal so I saved my HEs for the cheese wholemeal rolls as an evening snack – I’ve made them, but not eaten them yet! 😉
Exercise: Treadmill, double BodyPump, double Boxercise, at least triple Dancercise.
It was a miracle that I got my arse into gear and managed the treadmill and BodyPump! I’m blaming the door again, as it took us a while to get it sorted and so I couldn’t get the Body Magic done before leaving to sort the horses out. I did over 25 mins at the stables of Boxercise and Dancercise combo, but the most important thing for me is to get the weight bearing walking done. So I asked my other half to make sure I did it…and I did…and then followed it up with the BodyPump – very happy Weight Loss Bitch today! 😉
So that’s it then – my ramblings for the day over and done with! I really hope that you have enjoyed your Saturday…much love as always…
Weight Loss Bitch xxx
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