There was a teeny tiny moment in the gym yesterday when I wanted to say, ‘Oh please just fuck off!’
I didn’t though.
I just carried on lifting weights.
This has been a tough week. If you are a regular reader you might remember me having a massive 22lb gain in the middle of last year – unexpected, undeserved, and tough to shift. Well this week I had another one – 21.5lbs. I could have cried. I hadn’t been well and had been trying to eat veggie soups etc…but just wanted bread and so had some as my ‘healthy extras’ and ‘syns’ along with a few convenience type foods that are ‘allowed’ on Slimming World. It seems that my body no longer allows them…I felt bloated and swollen and awful.
It is what it is.
Oh – on the back of the regular reader thing – I was criticised by someone recently for continuing to mention my original weight versus my current weight. Apparently ‘it’s boring’…’enough already’…and ‘we know’ – well, I know that you share this blog with friends who might need to see someone shifting a large amount of weight…and they don’t fecking know do they?! If you just saw a link to the blog and happened to read it today, you wouldn’t know how much I had weighed or how much I had lost. So if you don’t like reading about my weight loss…well, you aren’t forced to read it now are you?!
And just for you – I weighed 43st 5.5lbs and have lost over 21.5st – so there…and again, just to really annoy you – I weighed 43st 5.5lbs and have lost over 21.5st…and once more to finish you off – I weighed 43st 5.5lbs and have lost over 21.5st! Hahaha!
Also, part of me thinks, ‘Feck off!’ I should be proud of my achievement and should be reminding myself everyday of my progress…it’s fucking hard to lose weight and to stay motivated, so I will take every opportunity to remind my head of how well I have done…because that head still wants to bury itself in a bucket of KFC at times!
I guess I should point out that after my huge gain, I haven’t actually lost that amount anymore…I haven’t even looked in my book to be honest to work out what it is now as I don’t want to look at where it puts me back to. I have to stay future-focused.
It threw me off track for a day or so. I ordered a lovely Egyptian takeaway – which was basically kofta and halloumi cheese wraps with hummus…so not massively awful – but not a helpful response to a weight gain really. My breakfast and lunches were on track…but my dinners weren’t – for just two days.
I have sorted myself out now though. And that’s progress in itself. It used to take me weeks to pull my behaviour back on track – months even – but now I can do it in a matter of hours and days. Binge Eating Disorder is a bugger…it never quite goes away. The desire to eat is always lurking. I thought I had it cracked before my blip in the middle of last year. I had been binge free for almost two years.
There you go – it’s a constant battle. The thing is, people always celebrate their successes but the vast majority don’t share the struggle it takes to get there. You might read about my weight loss and think that it’s plain sailing, that I have cracked it, that life must be so much easier now I have shifted what I have shifted – yes, over 21.5st! – but it’s not. It is hard. You have to work at it. If you really want it, you will work for it and will need to continue to work for it.
The head issues are a constant battle. I don’t know anyone who has managed to sort them entirely – you just learn how to manage them.
Anyway – I need to get back to my original point. The gym thing.
So I had told my trainer about my weight gain yesterday and he decided to change the planned workout – heavy lifting – to lifting with higher reps, less weight, less rest time, and some HIIT rowing thrown in. It was a tough session…but I like tough sessions. It was designed to keep my heart-rate high and make me sweat…it worked!
I also ache like a bugger today – so it worked and it feels great.
We were probably about 20 minutes in when an older lady came over during one of my rest periods. I was just about to start my next set of reps and wasn’t really up for a chat as I was in the zone. She put her hand on my arm and rather loudly started saying how impressed she was with me, that it was inspiring, and then asked me how long I had been going to the gym…but rather than letting me tell her, she said, ‘About three weeks?’
‘No, over a year!’, I barked back.
I am not quite sure what my trainer thought of it. I am pretty sure he was a bit pissed off as I think I spotted a bit of a ‘look’ from him.
The thing is, it’s lovey to encourage people to get fit and healthy.
It’s a bit fucking irritating to have someone make the assumption that I have only been working out for three weeks…and that I need someone to stop me mid-workout to pat me on the arm and tell me how inspiring it is to see me there.
What is the inspiring bit?
That I am fat and in a gym?
That I keep on going during my sessions despite sweating like a pig?
That I look as purple as a Ribena berry whilst I am working out yet keep pushing myself?
I have to wonder if she went and said the same thing to anyone else who was in the gym working out yesterday. Would she have approached Mr WLB had he been there working out? Would she have approached another of my trainers clients to tell them how inspirational they were?
Probably not. I wouldn’t be betting any cash on it anyway.
Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t horrible to her at all. I just didn’t play ball. I don’t mind getting compliments – but there is a time and a place…such as if we had been having a conversation about health and fitness and I had shared my weight loss with her, or the fact that I no longer need diabetes medication, or that I don’t have cancerous cells any longer. I know if someone tells me that they have lost weight or increased their fitness or made improvements to health conditions, then I certainly praise them – it is an inspiration to hear success stories.
I just don’t approach strangers – whom I know nothing about – and tell them that they are inspirational…just because they are fat and in the gym! She had no idea of my background just as I had no idea of hers. I wonder how she would have felt had I told her that she was inspirational…she was old and in the gym…is that inspirational or is that just fecking sensible?!
Anyway. It just made me chuckle. As I say, my instant thought was, ‘Fuck off!’…but then I found it amusing – it was one of those moments when you just shake your head and have to giggle. Instead of giggling though I just carried on with my push pressing…it’s hard to giggle and push press!
Bless her – what a woman!
So that’s it from me for the day. It’s been a good day. I have spent it in my pyjamas working from my sofa. I had an awful night of sleep – I didn’t go to sleep until past 11.30pm and then woke up just after 3am and couldn’t sleep. I got the iPad out and started mooching but Mr WLB woke up just after 5am so I toddled off to the office and eventually crawled back into bed…and then the alarm went off! It’s been a productive day though – I got a fair bit of work done so that made me happy! I am going to try and grab an early night tonight as I have a fair bit to fit in tomorrow…including a full day of work, a PT session, lunch my new boss, and then adrenaline tubing and sledging – I am sure that there will be pictures from that to share.
Today’s food looked like this…
Breakfast: Porridge made with almond milk (HEB and HEA) and cinnamon, topped with sliced apple and apricot.
Lunch: Mushrooms stuffed with cottage cheese, baby corn on the cob, asparagus, and boiled eggs.
Dinner: Homemade hummus (3 syns), harissa grilled chicken (1 syn), and roasted veggies with salady bits.
Snacks: Banana and a Nakd bar (7 syns).
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx
If you fancy offering a little support for my 100km night ride challenge, then give the posh button below a click!