You deserve to be healthy and happy and at a weight that you are comfortable with…more importantly, you deserve to feel fecking fabulous!
Let’s face it – the most important relationship you and I will ever have is with our own bodies…it’s certainly the longest relationship we will have! My wobbly and wonky body is pretty fecking awesome…I love it.
The thing is, I didn’t always love it. I treated it like crap. I hated it. I didn’t see how wonderful it was – how wonderful I was – my body is my best mate…and has been there for me through thick and even thicker!
It’s hard though, isn’t it? To learn to love a body that isn’t ‘perfect’…whatever the feck ‘perfect’ means.
But think about it for second. My body has forgiven me for filling it with rubbish. It has forgiven me for not moving enough. It has forgiven me for all of those tequila, vodka and kebab-fuelled late-nights out. It has even forgiven me for my misuse of laxatives, and purging, and binge-eating, and the starve-binge-starve-binge cycles I put it through.
My body is pretty bloody amazing – and I would put money on the fact that your body is pretty bloody amazing too! Our bodies support us in ways that we cannot begin to imagine…we are pretty bloody special.
I actually wrote a little letter to my body a while ago. I would urge you to read this next bit carefully, that I have taken from that blog post, and see how you feel…
‘To my wonderful body,
I didn’t give you the best of starts really, did I? Do you remember the packets of Space Raiders from the tuck shop, and that box of Roses we ate that I was supposed to give to a friend for her birthday..the delightful days of primary school…hockey with plastic sticks and rounders with that boy you had a crush on?
From an early age I compared you unfairly with everyone else. You were robust and strong…but I called you fat and ugly and was embarrassed to own you. Whilst all of your counterparts were flouncing around in puffball skirts, I hid you away in ski pants…the joys of the 80′s will never be forgotten!
I doubt that you will ever forget what I have done to you either. The takeaways, the crisps, the sweets…the lack of exercise…the crazy fad diets…the prescription slimming pills that I managed to get my hands on from a ‘friend’…the herbal laxatives we became a little too fond of…the alcohol binges. The occasional glimmer of hope I threw your way in the form of fresh and healthy foods never lasted long did it?
My crazy mind told me that this sort of behaviour towards you was acceptable. I used and abused you and pushed you to your limits. I am sorry…so, so sorry.
For a long while I hated you. I hid you away and thought that you were ugly. I compared you unfairly with the bodies of my friends and came to the conclusion that I hated you…I hated me.
So looking at you in the mirror today is difficult – and not only because the lightbulb has blown! We have war wounds and battle scars and I take full responsibility for these. We have what can only be described as marks resembling a map of the London Underground all over the bloody place. For me, these represent the journey that we have been on together…and the journey that we will go on and have together. Perhaps when we go on our New York shopping spree, these marks will morph into the subway network…wouldn’t that be handy?! You are pretty fecking awesome, so I am sure we could arrange that!
What I used to think of as ugly and horrid now seems pretty amazing. We have been through so much together and you are changing…I am changing. We are getting stronger and fitter and I can actually feel these hard bits in places that there were no hard bits before…I think they might be known as bones!
So there are lumps and bumps, and lumps and bumps on top of those lumps and bumps. We have funny spottiness on our upper arms, and hair…a lot of hair – oh, that’s another thing we have – PCOS! There is cellulite, hard skin on your poor feet that have carried us around for so long, and some sag…a lot of sag. But I now love you.
I really do – I love you for carrying me around and sticking with me when I was at my biggest. There were a few moments when I thought you were going to give up on me, but you didn’t – and so I have decided that I am not going to give up on you and your marvellous imperfections…you are perfectly imperfect and I love you.
There is no such thing as perfect anyway. It’s a myth – remember those magazines I mentioned earlier…that’s where I found my versions of perfect…until that day when we had front row seats at Clothes Show Live – do you remember how secretly amazed and happy I was to see cellulite and a few bruises on the legs of the models? Not that I like comparisons…but it was a delightful moment to see a bit of wobble on a model!
You and I are learning how to live in harmony. We have our issues, but we are getting there. I am learning how I should be treating you and talking to you, and you are reining me in a bit when I get too carried away. I promise that I won’t put you through another aerobics class for a while yet, as your poor knees have taken enough abuse for a while. I promise that I won’t put that crappy food in you again either…after all, Freddie Freelander would not like it if I filled him full of unleaded…so you definitely and absolutely deserve the fuel that makes you operate at peak performance.
On the subject of peak performance, thank you for seeing me through our gym workout today whilst we were getting curious glances from the youth academy footballers in there…and thank you for being able to leg press the arse off that little one! We rocked those weights today!
You make me proud. I love taking you to the swimming pool and I think we have just about perfected our poolside sashay. I think we are doing our bit for body confidence by not covering up and just putting it out there…although I would prefer it if you could keep the nipples in check in the swimming costume – they don’t need to put it out there and say ‘hello’ to anyone again thank you!
So that’s it then body – I love you, I thank you, I am proud to own you. Let’s show the doubters that we can reach our goal of healthy…feck the happy that everyone talks about, as we already have that in bucket loads…but the healthy we need to keep working towards, as the wonderful team that we are!’
How did that make you feel? How do you feel about your body? Can you see yourself taking some time over the next few days to have a think about how amazing your body is?
You are responsible for your choices. You are responsible for creating a life that supports your wonderful body and your health. Take some time to start appreciating what you have – a fecking amazing body!
The thing is, we spend so much time comparing what we have to what everyone else has…when has that ever done you any favours? The issue with comparing yourself with others is that these people don’t actually look like that – I am talking about pictures in magazines and stuff…this shite is fake and Photoshopped to death…pictures of perfect looking men and women! Then there are companies like Special K and their adverts designed to make us want to look great in red clothes – I already rock red clothes I’ll have you know…and Special K ran a ‘diet’ campaign once that turned me down for help as I was too fat!
Anyway – what I am trying to say is that you deserve to feel as fabulous as you really are. Don’t fill yourself full of fake, cheap, or easy fast foods…you deserve more than that…your fabulous body deserves more than that!
I am in danger of rambling now – so I am going to shut up.
But a quick note for the person who doesn’t like me mentioning how much I have lost – 21.5st I have lost…I was once 43st 5.5lbs don’t you know!
Oooh – and a quick update on my teapigs matcha challenge – it’s going well. I genuinely feel pretty fecking fantastic this weekend. I cannot for sure put that down to a daily matcha shot…but it doesn’t seem to be doing me any harm either!
On that note, I will leave you with the usuals…
Today’s food looked like this…
Breakfast: Overnight oats with soy milk, cinnamon, strawberries, and apple.
Lunch: Smoked salmon scrambled eggs, radishes, and spinach.
Dinner: Roasted aubergine and pepper with cottage cheese-stuffed mushrooms, and spiced mince with red onion and tomatoes.
Snacks: Banana and Nakd bars.
Exercise: A blissful rest day today!
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx
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