No, this isn’t some ‘Secret Diary of a Call Girl’ confessional…I haven’t been dishing out sexual favours for dosh – to be fair, I doubt I’d make my millions taking that career path!
This is my apology for being a shite blogger over the past few weeks. I have been a little bit absent.
This working malarkey is harder than I thought!
I have been working on and off for a while – taking various contracts to keep me going – via the charity I work with, via old contacts, via my lovely uni buddies, and obviously my coaching. This has been easy. Well, not easy – what I mean is that it has been flexible enough for me to structure my life around the gym and my health goals. I have been able to get to the group that I like, to work with my trainer, to see my niece and nephew, and horses…it’s been easy in that sense – and I have kept a roof over my head. The thing is, it doesn’t provide a regular income…and nor does it give you that sense of ‘belonging’ – parachuting in to sort out issues in a company or consulting on a specific project doesn’t really give me what I enjoy I guess. But it did give me lots of flexibility – I chose my hours etc.
My decision to head into a permanent role raised a few eyebrows amongst my family members. They are obviously concerned about me and want to make sure that I don’t slip back into my old ways…and I have to admit that I am a bit worried too.
Full-time hours in an office makes life a bit harder to structure. First of all, I actually have to get out of my pyjamas! No more working from the sofa in my sloppies or sweaty gym gear! I can’t shop daily, or cook when I want to eat…I have to plan and prep. So I get up at 5.50am and head straight to the gym. I spend 60 minutes sweating like a pig (feeling like a fox though…as per those new TV adverts!) and then have a mad dash home via awful traffic, to jump in the shower, get changed, and hit the road. I have a difficult drive to work via some of the busiest roads, and then a mission to park as I get in later than everyone else, and then work for 9 hours, before heading home…and falling onto the sofa…and then forcing myself to food prep for the following day…and then falling into bed. Mr WLB is lucky to get any kind of conversation out of me!
A lottery win would be helpful.
But to be honest, I am just being a whining old cow really. I have so much to be thankful for – a job for starters. The ability to earn money a luxury that some people do not have. I know that you are probably wondering what the feck I have to complain about! I am not complaining though, just saying that my new stuff is going to take some getting used to. So bear with me whilst I get used to it!
I have to keep reminding myself that a few years ago I was over 43st. I doubt that anyone would have given me a job – despite my fecking fabulous personality and qualifications! I wouldn’t have given me a job. So to be in a position where I had the pick of a few roles…well, I am pretty bloody lucky.
My boss is fab. She has been more than accommodating – and knows about my weight loss…so allows me to start a bit later than everyone else (I make up my time at the other end of the day…as I know that I would skip the gym after a day at work!) We are also allowed ‘work from home days’ – two of these a week, so once I am settled I am going to do a Tuesday from home – where possible – so that I can get to my Slimming World group during my lunch break. It’s just going to take some getting used to my new routine.
Life is fecking hard. If it wasn’t then I doubt that we would have these weight issues. I know that a big contributor to my huge weight gain was work. Partly because my old boss was a total cunt. Thankfully, I very much doubt that I will have this problem with my new boss – first impressions are very positive! I just don’t want work to jeopardise my health goals…I am a bit worried about it all really. Can I do this?! Can I hold it all together…be successful at work and in life in general?!
Anyway – life – it’s hard. Deal with it. As I say on a regular basis – this shit will always be there…you have to find a way around it, over it, under it. If you want to succeed then you will find a way.
My ‘way’ has taken a detour recently. I haven’t been well – and my niece purposefully coughing on me (she had a cold…and wanted to give it to me so that I could take time off work to see her more!) and giving me a stinker of a cold – and an eye infection, and throat ulcers…and that unexplained weight gain which I got over before heading to the Pudding Club, well…I have kind of gone a bit wild since the puddings and cocktails – which were bloody delicious! – and haven’t really been on track. So my period of feeling shite and going off track has left me feeling a bit out of sorts.
I am going to get myself back on track and will keep trying to blog, as this helps. I am actually heading on a course this Friday to do with my coaching – specifically focussed on emotional eating – and am hoping that this will help me too. The thing is, I know where I am going wrong…it’s all about my emotional systems – I will have to write about this in more detail very soon, as it’s something that helps my coaching clients understand why we behave the way we do. Anyway – I need to give a little area of my emotional system a bit of attention. It doesn’t want the food that I have been using…it wants the stuff that has worked well for me – meditation, exercise, spending time with friends, breathing exercises…the list is quite long – I have just been ignoring it!
I fear that I am rambling. So I am going to feck off now.
Ooh – Mr WLB has just told me that he’ll dump me if I get fat again – haha…I am 22st…maybe more actually – I haven’t looked in my book. I think I qualify as a fattie already…! He is clearly joking…he knows that I am bloody amazing and that he couldn’t survive without me!
Double ‘oooh!’ – a lovely woman at work, who makes amazing Slimming World cakes, asked me today if I wrote a blog…and was I called ‘Weight Loss Bitch’? In the spirit of honesty – you know that I am far too honest for my own good! – I said that I was indeed WLB. Apparently some people were talking about me at the weekend…and she put two and two together based on what she had heard at work about me…and now she knows. She will keep my confidences, I am sure. I warned her about my usage of the word ‘cunt’ and we both agreed that it isn’t the most correct of words for someone in the HR department to use…so I am really hoping that she keeps my confidence…or else I am fecking shafted I guess!
On that note, I will love you and leave you.
I had really high hopes for 2015 and have thoroughly disappointed myself so far in terms of my health goals. I hope that you are managing to blitz your goals…but if not, feck it. Let’s draw a great big fat line under January and focus on the rest of the year!