As I walked up the stairs to the gym, behind a queue of others trying to get their bums into some semblance of shape, I felt pretty damn good! Having lost nearly 8st with Slimming World I was over the moon after just buying my first foal and I couldn’t stop thinking about how great it would be to eventually ride him! I hadn’t really noticed the manicured and make-up plastered lady behind the reception desk, as she hadn’t said a word to any of the others who had signed in before me, but as I spotted her I could see she was studying them intently. As I signed in she suddenly said “You’d be interested in facial hair removal by laser, wouldn’t you madam?” Haha! It was like one of those farcical changing room moments when an attendant shouts across a crowded store the fact that you need a much bigger size to try on! I stared her in the eye – as did my beard hair and moustache! – and mustered a suitable response.
The stupid thing about this situation was that I had been considering laser hair removal! I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) which means I do unfortunately have excess facial hair. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not walking around like an extra from ‘Planet of the Apes’ – I do pluck, wax and use my Super Mario cream (this is what my other half calls my facial hair removing cream…as I look like Super Mario with it on!) – but I am a little more ‘hirsute’ than your average person! Rather than being ambushed when I am amongst a group of Lycra clad hotties, who probably lacked body hair of any type, I would have liked the opportunity to approach the beautician during a quieter spell!
So when people think that they are being polite, or helpful, how do they get it so very wrong!
During the hedonistic years of my late teens and early twenties, I was a little bit crazy for clubbing! Seeing me shaking my thing on a podium was a regular occurrence, as was me being the first person on the dance floor, and the last person off it. I used to go to Cream and Godskitchen and was generally on the ‘VIP’ list at our local haunt as I knew the DJs. Yes, I was a big fat clubber and I loved it. With a tiny bit of Dutch courage – in the form of Vodka and Tequila – I wanted to be the centre of attention, and generally was…for some of the wrong reasons occasionally! I’ve already mentioned the incident where I rolled down the stairs onto the dance floor, only to find that my friends no longer wanted to know me! Haha! It was sooo funny! I was incredibly outgoing and soon had a wide circle of acquaintances that I used to dance the night away with. I had plenty of male attention, and enjoyed some of it too! But there was always one plonker – sorry – well meaning bloke, that had to say it…”Oh, you’d be a real catch if you were slimmer. You’re so pretty and such a good laugh, it’s a shame really!” or “You know, you’re so much funnier than your friends; they just get the men because they’re not fat”…charming!
I never really took offence – probably because I was tipsy, had likely already had a snog, and more than likely because I just wanted to keep dancing! Some me would tell me that they LOVED big women, and would ask me to go home with them. I never took them up on their offers though as I was worried that they would try and keep me fat, when all I wanted to do was lose the weight so I could shake my ass more vigorously than I already did! One person did offend me though; he introduced me to his friend by saying “this is my big girl I told you about – my fat dancing friend.” He was right of course as I was his friend, I was fat, and I liked dancing. However, I didn’t introduce him by saying “this is my weird ginger friend, who I suspect has a tiny willy!” So I gave him a telling off and he didn’t do it again. In fact he was so distraught that he’d upset me, I ended up drinking the expensive vodka all night – on his bar bill – instead of the cheap stuff I normally drank…result!
A couple of years ago I was writing an important presentation for the board of directors and was making sure that my ‘numbers’ were correct. A rather cheeky office junior was helping me to collate the copies and he said “If you run out of fingers and toes, you could always use your chins as extra counters.” I did not know whether to launch him through the office window, or to laugh…I opted for the latter and sent him out to get me a sandwich…to prove a point! When I used to go to the Wembley head office of another company I worked at, I would generally meet with the managing director who was a lovely chap. I remember one day he offered to get me a ‘larger’ chair if I wasn’t comfortable – lovely and helpful – but awful that my substantial backside was so squashed that he noticed! I politely declined his offer…and suffered with numb bum syndrome for the rest of the meeting.
Special K even managed to insult me! After watching yet another beautiful woman in a red swimsuit prance across my TV screen, I decided to pay a visit to their website in order to get a personalised diet plan. Following a good look around, and over an hour of reading success stories and looking at recipes, I started inputting my information. Once completed, I submitted the online form, only to get an instant message which said something along the lines of “bugger off, you’re too fat for us to even contemplate…go and get weight loss surgery instead!” Obviously that wasn’t the exact response, but they did basically tell me that I couldn’t have a plan as I was too fat…so much for social responsibility! I would have expected that a company promoting foods that supposedly support health and well being would at least have signposted me to another site, or given a list of contacts, to seek professional help if I was outside of their ‘acceptable level of fatness’. Never mind…Slimming World came to the rescue again! 😉
People just sometimes don’t realise that their choice of words, or kind offer, can make someone feel so awful! Others however do KNOW that they are being rude and seem to take great pleasure in it. It is those people that we need to learn how to knock into touch – with a caustic tongued retort…rather than a baseball bat! 😉
Having bought a maisonette, and spending tens of thousands of pounds renovating it, we found out that our neighbours were psychopaths who used to scream abuse at us through the ceiling. Surprisingly enough though, they never answered the door when I went downstairs to confront them. Anyway, the abuse got so bad we decided to move house. We were honest with our new buyer and she wasn’t fussed as she worked nights and would be out when they were in and vice versa. As anyone who has bought or sold a house will know, the paperwork process and solicitors can be a nightmare! So much so that I used to try and speed things up by collecting documents from my solicitor and hand delivering them to the buyers solicitor instead of waiting for them to be posted. It was on one of these missions that I had a group of teenagers behind me shouting “Big Momma” and generally likening me to the character on ‘Big Momma’s House’. Now as ‘Big Momma’ was black and actually a man, this was a bit of an unoriginal attempt to take the piss out of fat person…but teenagers showing off in front of their mates aren’t the most original of individuals!
He really shouldn’t have bothered though! I was incredibly fraught at the prospect of my house sale falling through, I had PMT and I can generally be a bit of a madam when the situation calls for it. This situation did, and he was suitably belittled in front of his friends! I also took great pleasure in driving past him – in my Mercedes sports – whilst he was standing at the bus stop…did I take the opportunity to rub it in? You bet I did, and in the immortal words of Jay – of Inbetweeners fame – “bus stop wanker”!
Driving around a clearly marked roundabout caused another episode. I was in the middle lane, sticking to the road markings, whilst a car full of people next to me seemed oblivious to them! They drifted across into my lane and, with a van on the other side of me, I had nowhere to go – so I beeped my horn and gestured for them to move over. I was then shouted at by each and every person in the car…they even wound down their windows just in case I hadn’t heard them calling me a “fat bitch” and a “f*ucking fat cow”. I thought it was rather nice of them to ensure I could hear them properly, after all who wants any confusion over such a matter?! My retort isn’t for the feint hearted – so please skip this next bit if you are the easily offended type! With my window down I wasn’t in danger of suffering from a miscommunication glitch, and shouted rather loudly “what do you think the white lines on the road are for you c*nt? Get some f*cking glasses!” Yes I know – the ‘c word’ is not big, and it’s not clever, but sometimes it is the only word that satisfies the level of anger I felt. However as we were on a dual carriageway, we had that very awkward situation of having to continue to drive along next to each other until the next roundabout! Surprisingly enough, he managed to find it in himself to allow the purposefully put there road markings to guide him around the next one!
There are some advantages to being bigger than average. One is the insulation…although I’m not so sure if that is a valid point in this weather as I am still freezing! One is that people tend not to sit next to you on public transport. Another is that people assume you have a big appetite and, in the interest of keeping the customer happy, give you bigger portions! Another advantage was discovered by my sister and I after a man tried to force us off the road and then slammed his brakes on, causing me to slightly bump the back of his car. I was absolutely ballistic…he had hurt Vinnie Volkswagen – my precious, originally kitted out, MKII Golf Gti! He jumped out of his car and started running towards Vinnie, so my sister and I both jumped out too. All 5’3″ of his scrawniness paled when he saw us…and he quickly retreated, muttering about “bloody fat bitches”! The shocking part of this story is that, upon ringing the Police and explaining exactly what happened, I was told that I was the one at fault having bumped into him, and that I’d have to go and make a statement. You can imagine my thoughts at that…the ‘b word’ used to describe a mans scrotum was what I uttered as I put the phone down! I hadn’t given them my name, and called from a work number, so I didn’t think anything of doing that. The crazy thing was that this chaps registration plate wasn’t registered, and his bumper was held on with string and black duct tape…obviously a very law abiding chap with a roadworthy vehicle.
My most recent insults include a chap nudging his friend, who was driving whilst we were side by side at yet another roundabout, saying “f*cking hell, look at the state of that – her f*cking stomach touches the steering wheel, what a f*ucking joke…disgusting!” I didn’t really have suitable retort, but should have shouted something along the lines of “I bet you wished your penis could touch yours though…little man!” Oh well, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose! There was also a lady who, whilst I was driving into KFC (hanging my head in shame!) shouted “f*cking fat bitch”. This was followed a few days later, yes – it involved another KFC, by comments from a couple of teenage boys saying “have you seen the state of that fat girl in that car?” I was sitting in a traffic jam at the time, with my hand in a bag of KFC chips…and it was this that stung me more. I haven’t had a KFC since then – way before Christmas – as I am convinced that I am destined to be abused when I eat them. So actually I should probably find that ‘lady’ and those boys and thank them!
So what can we do to deal with these comments? The people who mean well can be dealt with politely and put back in their place gently. As for the genuinely nasty ones…this is where the Weight Loss Bitch mentality kicks in! The sensible and grown up option is to smile and walk away, as the people who make these comments want to get a response from you, and a smile generally isn’t the one they were looking for. If however you feel in the mood to give someone a mouthful, go for it! I would imagine that a full on crazy rant will scare the crap out of them enough…but some milder suggestions are listed below!
1. Thank you for your concern about my weight, but if I were you I would be more concerned about that (insert appropriate insult – haircut, jacket, face, small penis, etc)
2. Darling, I’m working on losing my weight, but without surgical intervention you will always be a dimwit!
3. Are you on medication?
4. I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.
5. I would love to insult you too, but you wouldn’t understand.
As long as you remember that you are far much more than your weight – the number on the scales does not define you – and these people have no clue about you, you will be okay! Do not let them be a cause for concern.
Right, for the usuals…
Another day similar to the others – exercise, horses, Asda, and then home! Today however I spotted my brother in law struggling to get his shopping inside the house as I was leaving for the horses, so I shouted down the road and asked him if he wanted some peace and quiet for a couple of hours. I have missed having my nephew in the car with me in the mornings – as my babysitting hours have changed this week! – so I thought I would hijack him! Daddy was pleased, as it meant he could get the shopping out away in peace and do some housework, and nephew was eventually please – after a little tantrum – as he likes joining in with my boxing and dancing sessions! Plus the horses are near the airport, so he can watch the planes!
Breakfast: Banana and peanut HiFi bar.
Lunch: Last nights leftover Italian chicken concoction!
Dinner: Cajun salmon fillets with sweet potato wedges, cherry tomatoes and homemade coleslaw.
Snacks: Cheese and mushroom toastie – not yet made, so no pic I’m afraid 🙁 Planning on enjoying whilst I watch Friday night TV!
I have loved my food today! I was so glad that there were leftovers last night, despite the reason for that being the fact that my other half had forgone his portion last night in favour of a takeaway pizza. Yes, I managed to resist stealing his stuffed crusts! Dinner was also epic, but it was a much bigger portion than I would usually have…it was so nice however that I took a halftime break and have just finished it!
Exercise: Treadmill, double BodyPump, double Boxercise, and double Dancercise.
My other half made me laugh this morning when he came downstairs, looking all sleepy as if he’d just come out of hibernation! He told me to get on treadmill and was shocked when I told him I’d already done it. He said “but you don’t look as knackered as you usually do!” which I took to be a nice compliment that showed my recovery times are getting shorter and that I’m getting fitter!
I hope you all have something nice planned for the weekend?! All my love…
Weight Loss Bitch xxx
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