I used to sniff pencil cases when I was a kid. Not all of the time, but when I had a new one, I would sit sniffing it. My Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles one was a particular favourite! There was something about the smell of pencil cases that I loved. I think it was the opportunity for a fresh new start.
You know what I mean. We all do it. Those ‘Right! Let’s make a change!’ moments:
- When you start a new job – new outfit, new haircut, new handbag, new shoes.
- When you start a new project – new book, sharpened pencil, new pen – or in my case, a fresh new Gannt chart – I use these at home too…I am a sad girl!
- When you start a new module at university – you promise yourself that this time ‘I will plan and prepare and read and not just shut myself away in solitary confinement for three solid days before my dissertation due date’ – I did this, I wouldn’t recommend it. The jammy bitch that I am though, I managed a first – come on, you have to let me brag a little! 😉
- When you start a new term, you get a new pencil case.
There is a level of excitement with a new start. That manic heady feeling of finally getting your shit together.
But what happens when the magic wears off? When the pencil case doesn’t make you sniff it in excitement?!
You could of course throw it out…and quit.
Buy a new fucking pencil case I say – and keep sniffing!
This is representative of our weight loss attempts.
Admit it. You get really excited when you start – and you might record your measurements, and take ‘before’ pictures, and plan your meals for a while. You clean your cupboards of all of the junk food and fill them with foods that you want to see yourself eating. You might go as far as choosing a ‘target’ outfit, or booking a holiday in the distant future.
Then you reach the middle of term – when that holiday or ‘end’ feels out of sight and the target outfit isn’t it fitting yet. You start to get bored and fed up and frustrated. You start picking at the seams of that pencil case – poking holes in it with your compass (who has used a fucking compass since leaving school?!) – things start to fall apart and you can’t be arsed anymore. The handwriting that was neat and tidy when you started the term now looks illegible in your rough book! So you have to keep things fresh. You have to keep shaking things up.
You should never give up on something you want.
Get a new pencil case…and get cracking!
It was my first session with Alex this week. I took a bit of time to reflect afterwards. I suppose he’s like my new pencil case – although I will point out that I haven’t sat and sniffed him yet! 😉
I realised that I knew what I was doing. I know how to lose weight. I know how to eat healthily. I know that I need to move more. I know that I have to keep a track of my measurements, and take progress pictures, and set manageable goals.
Yet I know that I let it slip.
I keep repeating the same patterns – I let myself pick at the seams of the pencil case, and I throw it out. And I have a tantrum and a bitch fit and I sit and complain for a while and feel all ‘poor me’ – all whilst eating shit and getting fatter.
Now that might seem harsh – I have had a lot going on over the past year and I know we’re supposed to be all kind and compassionate with ourselves. That might work for a lot of people, and it works for me at times – but right now I need a kick. The medical and hormonal reasons for my weight gain could be used as an excuse – an excuse that will make the task ahead harder, but not impossible…if I kick hard enough!
My kick is Alex. I know that I will be the one doing the hard work. It sits with me to achieve – after all, I only spend a finite period of time each week training. He isn’t going to follow me around and slap the junk food out of my hands. He is going to be getting inside my head – now there’s a scary prospect – and helping me along the way. He is giving me his expertise in helping people transform their lives. He is helping to draw out my motivations and to use those to keep me…well, motivated surprisingly enough! 😉
Someone who won’t let me throw the pencil case away.
I will give you regular updates on my training and ‘head stuff’ – the first session looked at my barriers to success and Alex – or Mr Non-Negotiable! – has set me some tasks (‘non-negotiables’!) that I must do this week. These tasks are designed to challenge those barriers and to start to build habits that support my goal. It was a really good session – and I am looking forward to seeing where this all goes.
It’s not going to be easy, but nothing worth having ever is.
Today’s food looked like this: I had a brunch with my family – but that didn’t fill the hole and I ended up with lunch too. And then my dinner was a bowl of veggies – spinach and courgette – with avocado, smoked salmon, and mozzarella – and some lime juice. Pretty damn tasty!
On that note, I am off!
P.S. I also had a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lunchbox…and I left it on the bus and was inconsolable. My Mum called the bus depot but they couldn’t find it! So if you were an 80s child and ended up with a slightly used TMNT lunchbox, you owe me one! 🙂