‘You’ve lost a stone, surely you can treat yourself?’, ‘This little piece won’t hurt’, ‘You used to love my Yorkshire puddings’, ‘I prefer a woman with curves’…the list is endless! We all know one – that someone who just does not seem to ‘get’ that you are trying to lose weight! Sometimes people just don’t want you to have it all and it’s another hurdle you have to deal with when you are making an effort to improve your life. Easier said than done though, as with all efforts diet and fitness related! In order to achieve your goal you will need to deal with them – and I’ll tell you about the tantrum I threw in my dads direction later 😉
My old boss used to bring in cakes to the office, arranged a works party at ‘The Pudding Club’, and bought me champagne as a ‘thank you’. Whilst this might sound like heaven to some, it was not at all helpful and really threw me off course. The silly thing is that she was also trying to lose weight and attended Slimming World too! She would then try and coach me into sticking with it, listing all of the health benefits, and telling me that she really made efforts to accommodate my needs…all she bloody accommodated was about six portions of chocolate dreaminess at ‘The Pudding Club’! For goodness sakes! When she made me redundant – not a weight related issue – she then had a heart to heart with me about her concern for my health. I really don’t know how I kept control as she was listing all of the times she’d noticed that I’d struggled physically, whilst having the gall to hand out ‘treats’ to us all.
So why do people behave in a way that makes you feel they are trying hard to destroy all of your hard work? You need to understand that they genuinely might not even know that they are doing it! After all, why would your friends and family not want you to be happy and healthy? Most of the time, true saboteurs act because they feel threatened or jealous and this manifests itself as seemingly mean behaviour. ‘Saboteur’ may seem like a harsh term to use, especially when it is just your mother in law offering you a piece of cake! It’s likely that she is the more mild and easy to deal with saboteur, who just doesn’t understand what it is that you are trying to do (or she does, and is just a witch in disguise!)
My tantrum at my dad relates to how pessimistic he is in general; he is a real ‘glass half empty’ person, always has been! When I would call him and tell him I’d lost 2lbs for example, he would say “Well, if you moved about a bit more, you could lose a little bit more next week” or “If you stick to it 100% from now on, you could do more than that”. It was never what he said, as he was right, but it was how he said it! If he had said “Oh that’s great, just imagine how great it will be when you’re able to do more, I’m sure your losses would increase!” or “Well done, considering you haven’t been on it all week, that’s great news”. I don’t need someone tiptoeing around me, being scared to be direct, but he used to give backhanded compliments all the time and it really got to me. I threw my toys out of the pram and told him that he needed to be more positive or not to say anything at all. This was a shocker for my dad as I am always the diplomat between him and my sister, and never lose my temper with him! I now get text messages telling me how proud he is of me, how wonderful it is that I am losing weight, and also that I shouldn’t push myself too hard. He even told me today that there would be nothing left of me soon…a slight exaggeration there I think dad!
People display two types of behaviour – conscious and unconscious – they either know that what they are doing is wrong, or they are absolutely oblivious! Just like my dad…he was shocked and didn’t realise that he behaved in that way. The first type of behaviour is harder to deal with and is best done by being very direct and confronting them. The second is also hard to deal with but can be done in a far gentler way!
There are some obvious courses of action that you can take if you just want your saboteur to shut up and leave you alone!…
1. Don’t mention it.
When you know you are dealing with someone who is trying to throw you off course, just avoid the subject. Do not mention diet, or exercise, or food of any kind! If they bring up the subject, and you feel that you can handle it, then respond politely; if not, change the subject to one which you know they love to talk about!
If possible you can try and avoid them…harder if it is a family member! If it is a friend, you need to question if they really are a friend you need at this point in time. Do they understand what you are trying to do and, if so, why are they not supporting you? If you surround yourself with like minded people, you will succeed, even if these friends are ‘virtual’ as many of mine now are. Seeking out people who have the same goals means that you can share both success and frustration!
Not them, but their attempts to derail you! Just put your mind in a happy place, paste a serene look on your face, and let their behaviour wash over you. You know that you are making attempts at bettering your life after all!
4. Confrontation time!
If you really feel strongly about a specific person and their attempts, then tell them so. Explain that you are upset and have decided that you want them to stop their behaviour and that you don’t want to talk about your diet / health / fitness with them!
Most people are afraid of change, or just don’t like new things. I like to think of change as a good thing, but it can be scary and it’s not always easy to deal with. Your best friend has probably been used to coming to your house and watching a DVD whilst sharing a pizza, a family bag of crisps and a huge bag of M&Ms…or painting the town red with a number of cocktails to accompany you! Your other half is used to your love handles and may be afraid that if you change and they don’t, that you might outgrow them and the life you currently share together.
Given the above, how about trying an alternative course of action that might be more beneficial for all involved?
1. Explain and engage.
As I mentioned before, sometimes a saboteur might not understand why you are doing what you are doing, or that they are behaving in a way that doesn’t help you. Tell them about your new eating or exercise plan, sit down and go through it with them! Let them know that you still do love their Yorkshire pudding but that the huge door step wedge they normally give you would use up all of your syns for the week, let alone the day. Show them the sorts of foods you can eat, show them the success stories, even leave a magazine lying around at their house so they can pick up some tips inadvertently…you may find that you get a Slimming World friendly meal next time you visit.
2. Ask for support.
Tell people why you want to change and that you know it is going to be really hard without their help. Explain that you would really appreciate their support. Let them know what they can do to help…buy your mother in law a bottle of FryLight, ask your friend to come to the gym with you to enjoy a relaxing sauna and gossip together after a workout, ask your other half to come to your weigh in with you or ask them to join you on a romantic country walk…complete with a healthy picnic, ask your ‘thoughtful’ colleagues to put that plate of cakes out of your eyeline! It isn’t easy to ask for help and people know this; hopefully they will appreciate you doing so and will change their ways!
Above all, let people know how important it is to you – and ask them to give you flowers, not food! Be insistent with those who do not change – and that you cannot get rid of! – and smile sweetly whilst absolutely refusing that biscuit barrel they keep trying to press into your hands. Planning activities that aren’t food related can help too, but it can be difficult to do…almost all activities offer food temptation, but deal with this and crack on with your healthy new regime! Remember that positivity = success, and negativity = failure…try and remain positive and develop a positive support network – virtual or otherwise – to fall back on during tough times!
Obviously the above ramblings are just a collection of my weird and strange take on the subject of saboteurs…it is not an easy thing to deal with, so ask those supporters around you for help.
Right, onto today’s update…
When is this snow going to stop?! My workout was rudely interrupted this morning by my snowflake covered niece knocking the door early, demanding to be taken to see ‘her’ ponies! She is so lovely…she tells everyone at nursery that she owns four horses, despite them not being hers, and despite the fact that she would only be able to ride our Shetland who will just about tolerate children! She lies on his back, stroking his mane and whispering into his ear…telling him that he’s her hero and that she loves him…whilst he just wants her off so he can eat hay!
Anyway, I quickly finished up and stepped outside to find it bloody snowing again! So it was another snowy trip to the stables with both niece and nephew in tow, who wanted to feed them celery and carrots…yes, we got covered in snow, and so was the inside of poor Freddie Freelander by the time they’d finished! After the horses were sorted, and a quick trip to Asda was complete, we headed home to have ‘snuggles’ under a warm blanket and watch Dr Ranj, whilst my other half headed home to work.
Once the babysitting was finished, I headed up the road to make a late lunch and to catch up with some employment law stuff I’m dealing with for my sister…helping her to stitch her old company up as they were shockingly shoddy with her! After that, I settled down to catch up on Twitter and Facebook, and then started writing this.
Breakfast: Peanut HiFi bar and a banana.
Lunch: Pizzathins and salad.
Dinner: Roast chicken, roast onion, roast courgette, roast new potatoes, carrots, and green beans – with gravy!
Snacks: None 🙁
I was a bit rushed this morning, so grabbed a quick breakfast to eat on the go. Lunch was a little later than usual too after a morning of babysitting; I’d decided to try making pizzas out of the Warburton’s Sandwich Thins. One thin is 5 syns and, as they are sliced, would usually make two mini pizzas…however someone at Warburton’s buggered up and sliced it weirdly, leaving a thick slice and very thin slice! So I decided to use two thins for 10 syns…I wouldn’t normally use this many syns at lunch but thought I’d go for it today. I spread each one with tomato purée, sprinkled garlic and oregano on top, sliced a mushroom on each, put some spinach leaves on, and topped with my Leerdaamer light slices. The result was okay, but I don’t think they will be a regular thing as I could do the same in a toastie using just my HEs. Dinner was a quick and lovely chicken roast! No snacks…as I didn’t have any in!
Treadmill, double BodyPump, double Boxercise, and lots of Dancercise!
Despite still having the back issue, I really wanted to keep up with my Body Magic! I did the treadmill first – and upped it by a minute as I like to each week – and managed this fine. I then decided to do the Body Pump and other stuff seated – believe me, you can still feel it where you need to! – and it was better than not doing it at all!
So that’s it – another Weight Loss Bitch blog done with! I hope you liked it, and I hope you’ll tackle at least one of your saboteurs now! 😉
All my love, as always…
Weight Loss Bitch
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