Work has been so hectic recently – and is likely to continue that way for a while…so Mr WLB offered to write a blog post for me. I thought, ‘Fair game – go for it!’ Little did I realise what he had in mind…so here’s the uncut version for you! Although I have added my commentary in italics!
Hi! It’s me – Mr WLB!
So WLB has been really busy with work stuff today so I thought I’d jump on and do a blog post for her. I’ve been wracking my brains to come up with a topic so today I decided to give you a small glimpse into what it’s like to live with her.
All I can say is that it’s a challenge!
5.45 – I hear WLB get up this morning. As I’m just opening my eyes I hear the words, ‘What’s that face for? It looks like a sex doll!’ (WLB – he genuinely did look like a weird sex doll…!)
7.00 – She says, ‘I need you to clean the gym so I can have a go on my rowing machine. 2 hours later after cleaning the gym up and organising all our drawers, WLB comes in and does about 3 minutes. I said is that it? She bursts out laughing. What a fucknugget WLB can be at times – I couldn’t help but laugh! (WLB – I just wanted to get back on it…and I peeled the protective plastic off the screen and had a little blast. I don’t know how I ever managed an hour on the fecking thing – but I used to do that…music on, rhythm, and good breathing! – Oh, and I wanted him to tidy the room as he can be a lazy shite at times! )
10.15 – WLB has a strong opinion about most things in a funny kind of way! She was working from home this morning before heading to the office and I had the TV on in the background. A segment on This Morning was talking about cats. ‘I fucking hate cats – they are evil little things!’, I hear her say – and then she’s off on a rant about cats. I leave her to it. (WLB – It’s not that I HATE cats…I just much prefer dogs, whereas he likes cats – we won’t be having cats in the house!)
10.55 – WLB has a unique infectious laugh and a very cool sense of humour – it is an awfully debauched sense of humour at times! She showed me this that she had seen on Twitter – whilst she was laughing almost uncontrollably:
We had a discussion about if it’s suitable to share on her Facebook page. Her response was that we shouldn’t as she doesn’t want any hassle from the PC Brigade who give her grief over stuff. I say feck it – it’s funny! (WLB – This is funny, I don’t care what the PC Brigade think…there’s a Twitter page called Kyle Show Titles and it’s so fucking funny!)
11.00 – A chap that she has had dealings with was on TV. She was off on another rant about it not being tailored and something about ‘…all they do is add calories for fat cunts! ‘ Again, I left her to it. (WLB – I won’t name the dude, but I think he’s a bit of a cock!)
11.30 – I’m a keen cyclist. I have an indoor training Watt Bike and came back down stairs after my session and remarked that I got a PB. Her response in a sarcastic tone ‘Great, now get a shower. You stink like a crusty old wank sock!’ She then proceeded to interrogate me as to whether or not I ever owned one. (WLB – He did own one…sorry Mr WLBs Mum…but he did!)
12pm – WLB admitted to me that up until recently she was concerned about using olive oil on her skin to treat various aliments as she was worried the calories would seep into her bloodstream. Oh she does make me chuckle. For someone so intelligent she can be fecking stupid at times! (WLB – So this is a genuine question I have…if you put olive oil on your manky feet to make them soft, does it seep into your bloodstream and add calories? Surely this is just the sign of a questioning mind?!)
12.15 – She said that she finds flowers shit and a waste of time as they are dead anyway! Oh and she will never wear nail varnish until the day of her funeral as she always scratches it minutes after putting it on – she said it’s a waste of time sitting there putting shit on your nails for it to chip and scratch. (WLB – So I like getting flowers – it’s incredibly thoughtful…but they do die – I’d rather get a book or music…something that lasts! As for nail varnish – I try and girl it up every now and again – but with four horses and a mind that can’t keep my fingers still it’s really hard to make the stuff look good!)
12.25 – An advert for McDonald’s comes on. ‘If McDonald’s ban drive through, there would be far less fat cunts in the world – me included.’ And then she proceeded to tell me about a time she went out of her way to get to a McDonald’s and upon finding it had no DriveThru, had a tantrum, wouldn’t go in, and drove home from Oxford in a strop. I just let her rant again. (WLB – I genuinely think that if they shut DriveThru’s then there would be less fatties…not many that I know actually go inside and probably wouldn’t if they couldn’t sit in the car and pretend that their two meals were for two people rather than just for them!)
12.30 – We were bickering about something and she said, ‘One day you’ll reach the heady heights of being able to intellectually spar with me!’ (WLB – I lied…I don’t think he will ever get there! )
12.30 – 8pm – Peace and quiet! Sometimes she can get a bit much – she has a strong opinion on most things and tends to always think she is right. 99% of the time she is right and it infuriates the shit out of me! She’s the oracle to most people who know her. She does have a good talent for spinning things though! I’ve often said she should become a politician as she would fight an argument to the death! (WLB – yes…I went to work thinking I would be there for a short meeting – forgot my lunch – and got trapped in a room with people eating fucking Galaxy Minstrels and Walkers Crisps until 7.30! So he got peace and quiet and I got tested. As for me being hard work – aren’t all good things hard work…or something like that?!)
Anyway that’s enough from me for today. Over the next week I’ll be making notes of some of the thing she says to share with you. (WLB…hmmm, not so sure about this!)
I’ve probably painted a bad picture of WLB here but in all honestly I couldn’t live without her. She has a pretty damed warped sense of humour but is the most intelligent caring generous funny person I’ve ever met.
I’m really happy that she is back on track! Her humorous fun side comes out then.
Best – Mr WLB
So there you go then. That’s a day in the life of me and my rants. It was rather tame for me I think!
Right then – I haven’t got much to say today. I am shattered and have an early start tomorrow. I am watching Employable Me and have a little crush on the chicken noise man…he’s so lovely! I would genuinely find these guys work – so talented – just packaged in a way that people struggle to deal with…how is this their issue? I think I mentioned last week that I have meetings on the go to look at what our group of companies can do to look at employability programmes with companies who support people with this kind of challenge into work.
My food for the day has been a bit buggered up and back to front:
I had the olives and avocado for breakfast…and then didn’t eat for hours! I had chicken and veggies for dinner…and have prepared an evening ‘snack’ of eggs and spinach – as I have been tracking my calories and was stupidly under for the day.