…but just don’t give up!
‘You can fuck up, but just don’t give up.’ I remembered these words today when I was sat in a meeting ready to literally throw my shit in the air and walk out of work.
Did I mention that I can be a drama queen and I don’t ‘do’ work politics and bollocks?!
Anyway – this isn’t about work…if I get started on that shit show I might not stop writing. I will add that it wasn’t my fuck up…I am just the mug that gets paid to sort out the problems!
I can’t claim the credit for the wise headline either – although it does sound like it came out of my potty mouth! Jessie Pavelka – a blast from the past! – gave me that advice when we were chatting about how to stay focussed on a healthy lifestyle…and life in general really – and that if you really care about something but fuck up, you just get straight back into line and keep trying. You can fuck up, but just don’t give up…
The thing is, I think we kind of know this deep down…we know that we are going to fuck up every now and again – who doesn’t?! – and we know that we have to keep trying. The problem is that we – I – can’t help but strive for perfection. I have my own little mantra…progress, not perfection – and I repeat this to myself every time I have to make a compromise, but I sometimes forget to listen!
There was a time that a fuck up, or a compromise, would have sent me right off track – a time like the whole of 2015! Silly things like getting weighed on a Tuesday morning but realising that I was having a meal out on the Thursday evening would mean that I would think, ‘What’s the point of bothering…I am going to blow it on Thursday anyway’ and then I would eat like a demon all week…feel even more guilt…and then skip group the week after…and the week after that. By the time I made it back to group, I would be a stone or two heavier and feeling awful. I had a lot of ‘fuck it’ moments last year and earlier this year whilst trying to get back on track.
I am in the ‘honeymoon’ period right now and trying to plan for my fuck up moments. How do I strengthen my resolve and work on my resilience so that a fuck up doesn’t send me spiralling out of control? I am trying to treat my weight loss like a work project – I want to give it the same drive and determination, and I want to plan and prepare, and I want to look at risk factors and put in place counter-measures. Have I also mentioned that I can over-analyse stuff at times?!
I guess what I am trying to say is that we have to get some perspective. How do you define a fuck up?! Is it really a fuck up to go wild for an evening…have you really ruined your week…which leads to a ruined month…which really does lead to a fuck up situation. Is the original fuck up just ‘normal’? I know that friends of mine who are a healthy weight see a meal out as a normal part of their life. I guess they don’t have the excited look and feeling that I have when perusing a menu though!
Although that in itself is probably where I went wrong…trying to be so rigid and avoiding certain types of food means that a menu in a pub or restaurant is like a copy of Playboy to me!
Seriously though. Let’s redefine ‘fuck up’ – let’s just say that fuck ups are part of the process…what also has to be part of the process is that we don’t give up and that we see fuck ups as perfectly acceptable and not something that sees us throwing all of our sense out of the window?
Does that make sense?! It does to me…but I am tired and fear that I am rambling – plus, I can’t quite portray that Texan drawl in written form can I?
I think what I am trying to say is that we are perfectly imperfect…we are going to do things that aren’t ideal – that aren’t necessarily taking us closer to our goal. As long as those things are dealt with correctly – and we keep a bit of perspective, accept that we are human, deal with the issue whilst it is small enough not to hinder our progress – then these not so ideal moments will become easier to deal with. And you won’t feel like giving up!
On that note – with 17 ‘fuck’ occurrences…I am going to head to bed before my Mum comes over and washes my mouth out with soap!
Todays food has been okay:
Breakfast – Smoked salmon, broccoli with spring onion tops, scrambled egg, and avocado.
Lunch – Chicken salad from Coffee Architects with some lovely new dressings to try!
Dinner – Cod fillet with spinach and a tomato, Marmite, and mozzarella bake.
Although the broccoli caused a little furore – I might write about that tomorrow!
Thank you for reading,