When you think of motivational or inspirational people, I doubt that Austin Powers would figure anywhere on that list…unless you wanted to become a 60′s throwback satirical spy! But Austin and I have a little something in common, other than liking purple clothes…
That something is ‘mojo’! Now my mojo is not to be confused for a desire to pleasure Heather Graham, but rather that my zest for life seems to be returning. I watched Austin the other day and thought that if he could rediscover his, then I could rediscover mine! That little thing inside all of us that keeps us going…well, mine had kind of gone into hibernation…but it is back. Slimming World and my consultant have played a crucial part in the rediscovery of my mojo – I am just concerned that they may be unaware of what fun and raucous behaviour lies ahead!
Even when I stepped on the scales this morning – after a visit to the ladies room – and the scales wavered between the number I wanted and the number I didn’t, I could feel that my mojo was lurking. Even when the scales settled on the bloody number I didn’t want, my mojo was lurking. Even after the mid-group visit to squeeze a bit more wee out…and a subsequent standing on the scales to find that my poor excuse for a wee had resulted in the extra 0.5lb loss I needed, I could feel my mojo lurking…and getting stronger! So yes – I got the result I wanted this week…
This Weight Loss Bitch is a happy one! So this means that I have lost 175lbs – or the weight that ‘Biggest Loser’ trainer Jillian Michaels describes as ‘pure hell’…I have lost her at her heaviest! My BMI has reduced from 95.1 to 67.7. I also checked inch loss and have lost 8″ off my chest, 8″ off my waist, and 11″ off my hips…which is great for someone shaped like a Teletubby…it needs to come off my hips! And according to the Internet, I have lost the equivalent of a 2mth old horse and a gold brick – woohoo!
Anyway, it was another good group session this morning. My consultant knew that a few people were struggling to see where they were going wrong, and so she decided to give us all an SAS log. This is a comprehensive log – you fill one in each day – and it looks at each food item / meal in detail. Did you weigh it or just guesstimate? Did you know the syns before you ate it, or did you check after the event? It also identifies danger areas too. A great little tool for highlighting where we might be slipping up. In fact, even before the session had finished, people were already realising what they had or hadn’t been doing that meant they weren’t getting the losses they were looking for. I am really looking forward to next week as I think there will be some great losses as a result. I am going to fill my one out for a day and see what bad habits I have…as I claim to be an angel at times and I know that I am not perfect at all!
There were no real ‘moments’ in group today. Pizza lady behaved herself – mostly! – and my favourite couple were in fine form…in fact, he was our group ‘Man of the Year’. Despite his protests about getting up for a photo, we all know that he adores the attention – and so he should as he has done so well. Not only has he lost over 2st and improved his health, he keeps his wife going and is a great support for her too.
I guess that the real ‘moment’ in group was my doing – I caused a little stir! My NSV moment with the famous horsey man the other day was something that I wanted to share with the group, as was my trip to Asda. I think it is important to share these little victories as there could be someone else in group who is putting life on hold and I like to think that sharing my story might just spur them on. So I shared and told them how much of a strange-case this guy must have thought I was. And then Pizza lady piped up, “Well, how much more have you got to lose then before you can have this lesson?” Bless her – no social skills or idea of what is appropriate to ask a super-morbidly obese person!
I mentioned spur of the moment stuff the other day…and I was guilty of it. I just blurted out, “Oh loads…at least two more people…I need to lose another 20st!” At which point I saw a few eyebrows disappear under fringes (and wigs possibly!) and then I just decided to tell them my current weight, and what my starting weight was. For someone who is so hell-bent on remaining anonymous and who doesn’t want their weight revealed to friends…I am not doing that well now!
There were of course comments such as, “No way! You can’t have that much to lose!”, and, “You don’t look that big!”…which I will take as a compliment, even though I wasn’t fishing for them. I guess I wanted to shut Pizza lady up…but also it was a great weight lifted off my shoulders too. My fellow Slimming Worlders must wonder, as I lose weight, how much I have left to lose. I mean…I get awards and each week I think they must think, “When will this be over?!”. And they also must think that I am an ungrateful cow when I am not happy with losing ‘only’ 1.5-2lbs a week. Well now they know, and they now know that they will have to put up with me for a while longer yet! My favourite lady told me that it was great to see my confidence growing – which was lovely of her. The sad thing is that it is my weight that affected my confidence…but as I get smaller, my confidence gets bigger – I am just worried that they will have to open the double doors to get my head through it soon…rather than my huge arse!
Shame and embarrassment is something that I have dealt with for such a long time. I genuinely had no intention of revealing my weight to my fellow group mates…but it just happened, and it felt good. I should feel no shame in being me. I feel shame that I let myself get to that weight, but I don’t feel shame for doing something about it…and it is me…take it or leave it. I should just be allowed to be and hiding my weight was holding me back. I am still not at the stage that I want to ‘out’ myself publicly though. But do you know what the stupid thing is? I am more concerned about people that I used to go to school with – who I have on Facebook but haven’t seen for bloody years – finding out about my weight and situation. How sad is that?!
My consultant was lovely and asked everyone to keep what had been discussed confidential, and that me opening up was a big deal for me. And it was – my voice was a bit emotional…but I think I hid it well! She also then discussed that having such a lot of weight to lose was why I get frustrated about small losses, and then mentioned the surgery and me opting to stick with Slimming World. I don’t at all want the group to become focused on me as we are all equal there – but it was nice to share a bit more of my story and situation, just so that people understand why it seems like I am throwing my toys out of the pram at times!
I walked out of there feeling good…a bit more of my mojo was discovered during that little session this morning.
So then – the usuals…
We woke up early again and so got up, showered, breakfasted and headed off to see the horses. I decided to treat them to an apple and pear each this morning – so they were rather happy, and were happy to head out into the brief spell of sunshine we had. After this, we headed to group, and then after group it was off to Asda for our fake KFC supplies – Quorn southern style burgers! An afternoon of nutrition lectures and learning followed, plus FB updates and lovely Twitter people to chat to. It will be quiet evening with perhaps some TV and reading!
Breakfast: Apple and a banana.
A lovely food day. Lunch was leftover roast new potatoes with onion, mushroom and pepper fried off, whisked egg poured over and topped with cheese. Dinner was gorgeous – the Quorn burgers are so tasty and have dealt with my KFC craving nicely…and at least I know what is in them. A few syns over my 25 syn limit…but worth it today!
Exercise: Horses…but a bit lazy today.
Thank you for reading my lovelies – and I hope your week is going well!
Weight Loss Bitch xxx